A tale of mental illness -- from the inside - Elyn Saks
so<00:00:16.139> I'm<00:00:16.290> a<00:00:16.320> woman<00:00:16.710> with<00:00:16.740> chronic
so I'm a woman with chronic
so I'm a woman with chronic
schizophrenia<00:00:17.430> I've<00:00:18.210> spent<00:00:18.930> hundreds<00:00:19.410> of
schizophrenia I've spent hundreds of
schizophrenia I've spent hundreds of
days<00:00:19.710> in<00:00:19.950> psychiatric<00:00:20.580> hospitals
days in psychiatric hospitals
days in psychiatric hospitals
I<00:00:21.450> might<00:00:22.230> have<00:00:22.350> ended<00:00:22.619> up<00:00:22.680> spending<00:00:22.920> most<00:00:23.250> of
I might have ended up spending most of
I might have ended up spending most of
my<00:00:23.610> life<00:00:23.880> on<00:00:24.029> the<00:00:24.150> back<00:00:24.300> ward<00:00:24.630> of<00:00:24.720> a<00:00:24.810> hospital
my life on the back ward of a hospital
my life on the back ward of a hospital
but<00:00:25.860> that<00:00:25.920> isn't<00:00:26.369> how<00:00:26.460> my<00:00:26.580> life<00:00:26.790> turned<00:00:27.090> out<00:00:27.360> in
but that isn't how my life turned out in
but that isn't how my life turned out in
fact<00:00:28.650> I've<00:00:29.009> managed<00:00:29.369> to<00:00:29.430> stay<00:00:29.700> clear<00:00:30.060> of
fact I've managed to stay clear of
fact I've managed to stay clear of
hospitals<00:00:30.750> for<00:00:30.960> almost<00:00:31.259> three<00:00:31.560> decades
hospitals for almost three decades
hospitals for almost three decades
perhaps<00:00:32.759> my<00:00:33.030> proudest<00:00:33.420> accomplishment
perhaps my proudest accomplishment
perhaps my proudest accomplishment
that's<00:00:34.890> not<00:00:35.070> to<00:00:35.250> say<00:00:35.400> that<00:00:35.430> I've<00:00:35.700> remained
that's not to say that I've remained
that's not to say that I've remained
clear<00:00:36.270> of<00:00:36.420> all<00:00:36.570> psychiatric<00:00:36.900> struggles<00:00:37.770> after
clear of all psychiatric struggles after
clear of all psychiatric struggles after
I<00:00:38.579> graduated<00:00:39.090> from<00:00:39.270> the<00:00:39.420> Yale<00:00:39.600> Law<00:00:39.780> School<00:00:39.810> and
I graduated from the Yale Law School and
I graduated from the Yale Law School and
got<00:00:40.290> my<00:00:40.410> first<00:00:40.620> law<00:00:40.920> job<00:00:41.250> my<00:00:41.880> New<00:00:42.180> Haven
got my first law job my New Haven
got my first law job my New Haven
analyst<00:00:42.960> dr.<00:00:43.289> white<00:00:43.500> announced<00:00:44.399> to<00:00:44.489> me<00:00:44.579> that
analyst dr. white announced to me that
analyst dr. white announced to me that
he<00:00:44.789> was<00:00:44.910> in<00:00:45.000> a<00:00:45.059> closes<00:00:45.480> practice<00:00:45.960> in<00:00:46.140> three
he was in a closes practice in three
he was in a closes practice in three
months<00:00:46.829> several<00:00:47.609> years<00:00:47.820> before<00:00:48.149> I<00:00:48.180> had
months several years before I had
months several years before I had
planned<00:00:48.570> to<00:00:48.660> leave<00:00:48.719> New<00:00:49.050> Haven<00:00:49.640> white<00:00:50.640> had
planned to leave New Haven white had
planned to leave New Haven white had
been<00:00:50.969> enormous<00:00:51.329> ly<00:00:51.570> helpful<00:00:51.989> to<00:00:52.140> me<00:00:52.260> and<00:00:52.379> the
been enormous ly helpful to me and the
been enormous ly helpful to me and the
thought<00:00:52.649> of<00:00:52.710> his<00:00:52.890> leaving<00:00:53.480> shattered<00:00:54.480> me
thought of his leaving shattered me
thought of his leaving shattered me
my<00:00:55.530> best<00:00:55.769> friend<00:00:56.100> Steve<00:00:56.489> sensing<00:00:57.059> that
my best friend Steve sensing that
my best friend Steve sensing that
something<00:00:57.390> was<00:00:57.600> terribly<00:00:57.629> wrong<00:00:58.079> flew<00:00:58.649> out<00:00:58.769> to
something was terribly wrong flew out to
something was terribly wrong flew out to
New<00:00:58.949> Haven<00:00:59.340> to<00:00:59.370> be<00:00:59.550> with<00:00:59.730> me<00:00:59.910> now<00:01:00.660> I'm<00:01:00.750> gonna
New Haven to be with me now I'm gonna
New Haven to be with me now I'm gonna
quote<00:01:01.079> from<00:01:01.260> some<00:01:01.440> of<00:01:01.559> my<00:01:01.590> writings<00:01:02.100> I<00:01:02.370> opened
quote from some of my writings I opened
quote from some of my writings I opened
the<00:01:03.449> door<00:01:03.629> to<00:01:03.690> my<00:01:03.929> studio<00:01:04.260> apartment
the door to my studio apartment
the door to my studio apartment
Steve<00:01:05.730> would<00:01:05.910> later<00:01:06.090> tell<00:01:06.420> me<00:01:06.600> that<00:01:06.840> for<00:01:07.350> all
Steve would later tell me that for all
Steve would later tell me that for all
the<00:01:07.620> times<00:01:07.830> he<00:01:07.920> had<00:01:08.070> seen<00:01:08.280> me<00:01:08.400> psychotic
the times he had seen me psychotic
the times he had seen me psychotic
nothing<00:01:09.720> could<00:01:09.870> have<00:01:09.960> prepared<00:01:09.990> him<00:01:10.470> for<00:01:10.530> what
nothing could have prepared him for what
nothing could have prepared him for what
he<00:01:10.950> saw<00:01:11.130> that<00:01:11.340> day<00:01:11.960> for<00:01:12.960> a<00:01:12.990> week<00:01:13.170> or<00:01:13.350> more<00:01:13.560> I<00:01:13.590> had
he saw that day for a week or more I had
he saw that day for a week or more I had
barely<00:01:14.040> eaten<00:01:14.550> I<00:01:14.790> was<00:01:15.689> gaunt<00:01:15.990> I<00:01:16.350> walked<00:01:16.950> as
barely eaten I was gaunt I walked as
barely eaten I was gaunt I walked as
though<00:01:17.310> my<00:01:17.490> legs<00:01:17.670> were<00:01:17.939> wooden<00:01:18.530> my<00:01:19.530> face
though my legs were wooden my face
though my legs were wooden my face
looked<00:01:20.549> and<00:01:20.790> felt<00:01:20.970> like<00:01:21.180> a<00:01:21.210> mask<00:01:21.570> I<00:01:21.960> closed<00:01:22.799> all
looked and felt like a mask I closed all
looked and felt like a mask I closed all
the<00:01:23.130> curtains<00:01:23.340> in<00:01:23.579> the<00:01:23.670> apartment<00:01:24.180> so<00:01:24.210> in<00:01:24.420> the
the curtains in the apartment so in the
the curtains in the apartment so in the
middle<00:01:24.750> of<00:01:24.869> the<00:01:24.990> day<00:01:25.170> the<00:01:25.200> apartment<00:01:26.009> was<00:01:26.130> in
middle of the day the apartment was in
middle of the day the apartment was in
near<00:01:26.430> total<00:01:26.640> darkness
near total darkness
near total darkness
the<00:01:28.020> air<00:01:28.200> was<00:01:28.409> fetid<00:01:28.890> the<00:01:29.280> room<00:01:29.490> of<00:01:29.670> shambles
the air was fetid the room of shambles
the air was fetid the room of shambles
Steve<00:01:31.290> both<00:01:31.799> a<00:01:31.920> lawyer<00:01:32.130> and<00:01:32.340> a<00:01:32.399> psychologist
Steve both a lawyer and a psychologist
Steve both a lawyer and a psychologist
has<00:01:33.329> treated<00:01:33.689> many<00:01:33.840> patients<00:01:33.960> with<00:01:34.470> severe
has treated many patients with severe
has treated many patients with severe
mental<00:01:35.070> illness<00:01:35.520> and<00:01:35.700> to<00:01:36.240> this<00:01:36.360> day<00:01:36.600> he'll<00:01:36.840> say
mental illness and to this day he'll say
mental illness and to this day he'll say
I<00:01:37.049> was<00:01:37.320> bad<00:01:37.500> as<00:01:37.680> bad<00:01:37.860> as<00:01:38.070> any<00:01:38.220> he<00:01:38.460> had<00:01:38.579> ever<00:01:38.729> seen
I was bad as bad as any he had ever seen
I was bad as bad as any he had ever seen
hi<00:01:40.290> I<00:01:40.320> said<00:01:40.829> and<00:01:41.130> then<00:01:41.310> I<00:01:41.399> returned<00:01:41.820> to<00:01:41.939> the
hi I said and then I returned to the
hi I said and then I returned to the
couch<00:01:42.329> where<00:01:42.630> i<00:01:42.659> sat<00:01:42.780> in<00:01:43.020> silence<00:01:43.649> for<00:01:43.860> several
couch where i sat in silence for several
couch where i sat in silence for several
moments<00:01:44.390> thank<00:01:45.390> you<00:01:45.540> for<00:01:45.719> coming<00:01:46.049> Steve
moments thank you for coming Steve
moments thank you for coming Steve
crumbling<00:01:47.850> world<00:01:48.170> word<00:01:49.219> voice<00:01:50.219> tell<00:01:51.180> the
crumbling world word voice tell the
crumbling world word voice tell the
clocks<00:01:51.570> to<00:01:51.810> stop<00:01:52.079> time<00:01:52.770> is<00:01:53.040> time<00:01:53.490> has<00:01:53.700> come
clocks to stop time is time has come
clocks to stop time is time has come
white<00:01:55.469> is<00:01:55.649> leaving<00:01:56.039> Steve<00:01:56.340> said<00:01:56.549> sombrely<00:01:57.000> I'm
white is leaving Steve said sombrely I'm
white is leaving Steve said sombrely I'm
being<00:01:58.170> pushed<00:01:58.380> into<00:01:58.619> a<00:01:58.770> grave<00:01:59.100> the<00:01:59.369> situation
being pushed into a grave the situation
being pushed into a grave the situation
is<00:02:00.149> grave<00:02:00.360> I<00:02:00.600> moan<00:02:00.840> gravity<00:02:01.409> is<00:02:01.500> pulling<00:02:01.740> me
is grave I moan gravity is pulling me
is grave I moan gravity is pulling me
down<00:02:02.250> I'm<00:02:02.670> scared<00:02:03.390> tell<00:02:03.689> them<00:02:03.840> to<00:02:03.990> get<00:02:04.079> away<00:02:04.579> as
down I'm scared tell them to get away as
down I'm scared tell them to get away as
a<00:02:06.240> young<00:02:06.539> woman<00:02:06.719> I<00:02:06.990> was<00:02:07.140> in<00:02:07.170> a<00:02:07.320> psychiatric
a young woman I was in a psychiatric
a young woman I was in a psychiatric
hospital<00:02:08.039> on<00:02:08.520> three<00:02:08.759> different<00:02:08.910> occasions
hospital on three different occasions
hospital on three different occasions
for<00:02:09.690> lengthy<00:02:10.050> periods<00:02:10.530> my<00:02:11.190> doctors<00:02:11.670> diagnosed
for lengthy periods my doctors diagnosed
for lengthy periods my doctors diagnosed
me<00:02:12.300> with<00:02:12.330> chronic<00:02:12.780> schizophrenia<00:02:12.990> and<00:02:13.740> gave
me with chronic schizophrenia and gave
me with chronic schizophrenia and gave
me<00:02:14.370> a<00:02:14.430> prognosis<00:02:14.850> of<00:02:15.210> quote<00:02:15.420> grave<00:02:15.810> that<00:02:16.680> is<00:02:16.890> at
me a prognosis of quote grave that is at
me a prognosis of quote grave that is at
best<00:02:17.460> I<00:02:17.700> was<00:02:17.850> expected<00:02:18.390> to<00:02:18.420> live<00:02:18.630> in<00:02:18.750> a<00:02:18.840> board
best I was expected to live in a board
best I was expected to live in a board
and<00:02:19.170> care<00:02:19.410> and<00:02:19.739> work<00:02:19.950> at<00:02:20.069> menial<00:02:20.459> jobs
and care and work at menial jobs
and care and work at menial jobs
fortunately<00:02:22.200> I<00:02:22.230> did<00:02:22.500> not<00:02:22.530> actually
fortunately I did not actually
fortunately I did not actually
that<00:02:23.819> grave<00:02:24.090> prognosis<00:02:24.569> instead<00:02:25.260> I'm<00:02:25.739> a
that grave prognosis instead I'm a
that grave prognosis instead I'm a
chaired<00:02:26.400> professor<00:02:26.489> of<00:02:27.030> law<00:02:27.180> psychology<00:02:28.019> and
chaired professor of law psychology and
chaired professor of law psychology and
psychiatry<00:02:28.439> at<00:02:28.860> the<00:02:28.950> USC<00:02:29.220> Gould<00:02:29.670> School<00:02:29.939> of
psychiatry at the USC Gould School of
psychiatry at the USC Gould School of
Law
Law
Law
I<00:02:30.569> have<00:02:31.049> many<00:02:31.260> close<00:02:31.560> friends<00:02:32.099> and<00:02:32.250> I<00:02:32.670> have<00:02:32.819> a
I have many close friends and I have a
I have many close friends and I have a
beloved<00:02:33.299> husband<00:02:33.689> will<00:02:33.930> who's<00:02:34.260> here<00:02:34.439> with<00:02:34.560> us
beloved husband will who's here with us
beloved husband will who's here with us
today<00:02:41.450> he's<00:02:42.450> definitely<00:02:43.049> the<00:02:43.170> star<00:02:43.439> of<00:02:43.590> my
today he's definitely the star of my
today he's definitely the star of my
show<00:02:44.959> I'd<00:02:45.959> like<00:02:46.170> to<00:02:46.290> share<00:02:46.470> with<00:02:46.650> you<00:02:46.769> how<00:02:46.950> that
show I'd like to share with you how that
show I'd like to share with you how that
happened<00:02:47.579> and<00:02:47.700> also<00:02:48.060> describe<00:02:48.510> my<00:02:48.659> experience
happened and also describe my experience
happened and also describe my experience
of<00:02:49.799> being<00:02:49.950> psychotic<00:02:50.370> I<00:02:50.819> hasten<00:02:51.599> to<00:02:51.689> add<00:02:51.780> that
of being psychotic I hasten to add that
of being psychotic I hasten to add that
it's<00:02:52.290> my<00:02:52.470> experience<00:02:53.189> because<00:02:53.430> everyone
it's my experience because everyone
it's my experience because everyone
becomes<00:02:54.209> psychotic<00:02:54.720> in<00:02:54.840> his<00:02:54.989> or<00:02:55.140> her<00:02:55.170> own<00:02:55.290> way
becomes psychotic in his or her own way
becomes psychotic in his or her own way
let's<00:02:56.909> start<00:02:57.209> with<00:02:57.329> the<00:02:57.420> definition<00:02:57.599> of
let's start with the definition of
let's start with the definition of
schizophrenia<00:02:58.769> schizophrenia<00:02:59.579> is<00:03:00.150> a<00:03:00.180> brain
schizophrenia schizophrenia is a brain
schizophrenia schizophrenia is a brain
disease<00:03:00.780> it's<00:03:01.650> defining<00:03:02.099> future<00:03:02.549> as
disease it's defining future as
disease it's defining future as
psychosis<00:03:03.329> or<00:03:03.480> being<00:03:03.750> out<00:03:03.900> of<00:03:04.049> touch<00:03:04.230> with
psychosis or being out of touch with
psychosis or being out of touch with
reality<00:03:05.120> delusions<00:03:06.120> and<00:03:06.269> hallucinations<00:03:06.329> are
reality delusions and hallucinations are
reality delusions and hallucinations are
hallmarks<00:03:07.650> of<00:03:07.769> the<00:03:07.889> illness<00:03:08.269> delusions<00:03:09.269> are
hallmarks of the illness delusions are
hallmarks of the illness delusions are
fixed<00:03:09.720> and<00:03:09.810> false<00:03:10.049> beliefs<00:03:10.470> that<00:03:10.620> aren't
fixed and false beliefs that aren't
fixed and false beliefs that aren't
responsive<00:03:11.430> to<00:03:11.549> evidence<00:03:11.970> and
responsive to evidence and
responsive to evidence and
hallucinations<00:03:13.019> are<00:03:13.319> false<00:03:13.560> sensory
hallucinations are false sensory
hallucinations are false sensory
experiences<00:03:14.819> for<00:03:15.720> example<00:03:16.200> when<00:03:16.379> I'm<00:03:16.500> the
experiences for example when I'm the
experiences for example when I'm the
psychotic<00:03:17.250> I<00:03:17.430> often<00:03:17.939> have<00:03:18.120> the<00:03:18.269> delusion<00:03:18.540> that
psychotic I often have the delusion that
psychotic I often have the delusion that
I've<00:03:18.900> killed<00:03:19.109> hundreds<00:03:19.500> of<00:03:19.560> thousands<00:03:20.010> of
I've killed hundreds of thousands of
I've killed hundreds of thousands of
people<00:03:20.370> with<00:03:20.489> my<00:03:20.639> thoughts<00:03:20.939> I<00:03:21.239> sometimes<00:03:21.870> have
people with my thoughts I sometimes have
people with my thoughts I sometimes have
the<00:03:22.439> idea<00:03:22.739> that<00:03:22.799> nuclear<00:03:23.310> explosions<00:03:23.909> are
the idea that nuclear explosions are
the idea that nuclear explosions are
about<00:03:24.239> to<00:03:24.389> be<00:03:24.510> set<00:03:24.689> off<00:03:24.810> in<00:03:24.959> my<00:03:25.109> brain
about to be set off in my brain
about to be set off in my brain
occasionally<00:03:26.700> I<00:03:26.730> have<00:03:26.849> hallucinations<00:03:27.750> like
occasionally I have hallucinations like
occasionally I have hallucinations like
one<00:03:28.139> time<00:03:28.319> I<00:03:28.349> turned<00:03:28.650> around<00:03:28.799> and<00:03:29.099> saw<00:03:29.280> a<00:03:29.310> man
one time I turned around and saw a man
one time I turned around and saw a man
with<00:03:30.209> a<00:03:30.269> raised<00:03:30.540> knife<00:03:31.370> imagine<00:03:32.370> having<00:03:32.609> a
with a raised knife imagine having a
with a raised knife imagine having a
nightmare<00:03:32.910> while<00:03:33.299> you're<00:03:33.480> awake
nightmare while you're awake
nightmare while you're awake
often<00:03:35.489> speech<00:03:35.879> and<00:03:36.090> thinking<00:03:36.419> become
often speech and thinking become
often speech and thinking become
disorganized<00:03:37.109> to<00:03:37.440> the<00:03:37.560> point<00:03:37.769> of<00:03:37.859> incoherence
disorganized to the point of incoherence
disorganized to the point of incoherence
loose<00:03:39.359> associations<00:03:40.169> involves<00:03:40.620> putting
loose associations involves putting
loose associations involves putting
together<00:03:41.159> words<00:03:41.579> that<00:03:41.819> may<00:03:41.940> sound<00:03:42.209> a<00:03:42.449> lot
together words that may sound a lot
together words that may sound a lot
alike<00:03:42.900> but<00:03:43.530> don't<00:03:43.709> make<00:03:43.829> sense<00:03:44.190> and<00:03:44.519> if<00:03:45.120> the
alike but don't make sense and if the
alike but don't make sense and if the
words<00:03:45.419> get<00:03:45.629> jumbled<00:03:45.989> up<00:03:46.079> enough<00:03:46.349> it's<00:03:46.500> called
words get jumbled up enough it's called
words get jumbled up enough it's called
word<00:03:46.889> salad<00:03:48.169> contrary<00:03:49.169> to<00:03:49.260> what<00:03:49.409> many<00:03:49.530> people
word salad contrary to what many people
word salad contrary to what many people
think<00:03:49.980> schizophrenia<00:03:50.909> is<00:03:50.970> not<00:03:51.120> the<00:03:51.299> same<00:03:51.510> as
think schizophrenia is not the same as
think schizophrenia is not the same as
multiple<00:03:52.049> personality<00:03:52.650> disorder<00:03:52.769> or<00:03:53.280> split
multiple personality disorder or split
multiple personality disorder or split
personality<00:03:54.299> the<00:03:54.900> schizophrenic<00:03:55.470> mind<00:03:55.799> is
personality the schizophrenic mind is
personality the schizophrenic mind is
not<00:03:56.669> split<00:03:57.180> but<00:03:57.569> shattered<00:03:58.459> everyone<00:03:59.459> has
not split but shattered everyone has
not split but shattered everyone has
seen<00:03:59.819> a<00:03:59.849> street<00:04:00.269> person<00:04:00.479> unkempt<00:04:01.470> probably
seen a street person unkempt probably
seen a street person unkempt probably
ill-fed<00:04:02.699> standing<00:04:03.659> outside<00:04:03.810> of<00:04:04.049> an<00:04:04.229> office
ill-fed standing outside of an office
ill-fed standing outside of an office
building<00:04:04.680> muttering<00:04:05.280> to<00:04:05.430> himself<00:04:05.519> or
building muttering to himself or
building muttering to himself or
shouting<00:04:06.389> this<00:04:07.290> person<00:04:07.739> is<00:04:07.829> likely<00:04:08.010> to<00:04:08.190> have
shouting this person is likely to have
shouting this person is likely to have
some<00:04:08.549> form<00:04:08.819> of<00:04:08.909> schizophrenia<00:04:09.319> but
some form of schizophrenia but
some form of schizophrenia but
schizophrenia<00:04:11.040> presents<00:04:11.459> itself<00:04:11.699> across<00:04:12.060> a
schizophrenia presents itself across a
schizophrenia presents itself across a
wide<00:04:12.449> array<00:04:12.780> of<00:04:12.810> socioeconomic<00:04:13.319> status<00:04:14.250> and
wide array of socioeconomic status and
wide array of socioeconomic status and
there<00:04:14.519> are<00:04:14.609> people<00:04:14.760> with<00:04:14.940> the<00:04:15.120> illness<00:04:15.479> who
there are people with the illness who
there are people with the illness who
are<00:04:16.320> full-time<00:04:16.620> professionals<00:04:17.489> with<00:04:17.639> major
are full-time professionals with major
are full-time professionals with major
responsibilities<00:04:19.010> several<00:04:20.010> years<00:04:20.190> ago<00:04:20.340> I
responsibilities several years ago I
responsibilities several years ago I
decided<00:04:20.820> to<00:04:21.060> write<00:04:21.209> down<00:04:21.419> my<00:04:21.630> experiences<00:04:22.470> and
decided to write down my experiences and
decided to write down my experiences and
my<00:04:22.770> personal<00:04:23.340> journey<00:04:23.669> and<00:04:23.940> I<00:04:24.360> want<00:04:24.389> to<00:04:24.659> share
my personal journey and I want to share
my personal journey and I want to share
some<00:04:25.110> more<00:04:25.229> of<00:04:25.349> that<00:04:25.470> story<00:04:25.830> with<00:04:26.010> you<00:04:26.130> today
some more of that story with you today
some more of that story with you today
to<00:04:26.789> convey<00:04:27.060> the<00:04:27.240> inside<00:04:27.630> view<00:04:28.220> so<00:04:29.220> the
to convey the inside view so the
to convey the inside view so the
following<00:04:29.669> episode<00:04:30.150> happened<00:04:30.510> the<00:04:30.570> seventh
following episode happened the seventh
following episode happened the seventh
week<00:04:31.110> of<00:04:31.199> my<00:04:31.380> first<00:04:31.650> semester<00:04:31.800> of<00:04:32.310> my<00:04:32.430> first
week of my first semester of my first
week of my first semester of my first
year<00:04:32.849> at<00:04:32.969> Yale<00:04:33.150> Law<00:04:33.210> School
year at Yale Law School
year at Yale Law School
according<00:04:34.620> from<00:04:34.770> my<00:04:34.889> writing
according from my writing
according from my writing
my<00:04:36.100> two<00:04:36.160> classmates<00:04:36.670> rebel<00:04:37.540> and<00:04:37.690> Val<00:04:37.870> and<00:04:38.050> I
my two classmates rebel and Val and I
my two classmates rebel and Val and I
had<00:04:38.860> made<00:04:39.100> the<00:04:39.280> date<00:04:39.490> to<00:04:39.850> work<00:04:40.360> to<00:04:40.720> meet<00:04:40.870> in<00:04:41.020> the
had made the date to work to meet in the
had made the date to work to meet in the
Law<00:04:41.260> School<00:04:41.530> Library<00:04:41.560> on<00:04:42.100> Friday<00:04:42.430> night<00:04:42.700> to
Law School Library on Friday night to
Law School Library on Friday night to
work<00:04:43.000> on<00:04:43.150> our<00:04:43.270> memo<00:04:43.480> assignment<00:04:44.020> together<00:04:44.290> but
work on our memo assignment together but
work on our memo assignment together but
we<00:04:44.950> didn't<00:04:45.220> get<00:04:45.340> far<00:04:45.400> before<00:04:45.820> I<00:04:46.000> was<00:04:46.180> talking
we didn't get far before I was talking
we didn't get far before I was talking
in<00:04:46.630> ways<00:04:46.780> that<00:04:47.020> made<00:04:47.170> no<00:04:47.350> sense<00:04:47.790> memos<00:04:48.790> or
in ways that made no sense memos or
in ways that made no sense memos or
visitations<00:04:49.630> I<00:04:49.780> informed<00:04:50.230> them<00:04:50.350> they<00:04:50.890> make
visitations I informed them they make
visitations I informed them they make
certain<00:04:51.520> points<00:04:51.970> the<00:04:52.180> point<00:04:52.780> is<00:04:52.930> on<00:04:53.080> your<00:04:53.260> head
certain points the point is on your head
certain points the point is on your head
Pat<00:04:53.860> used<00:04:54.100> to<00:04:54.220> say<00:04:54.430> that<00:04:54.670> have<00:04:55.390> you<00:04:55.570> killed
Pat used to say that have you killed
Pat used to say that have you killed
anyone<00:04:56.280> rebel<00:04:57.280> and<00:04:57.370> Val<00:04:57.550> looked<00:04:58.090> at<00:04:58.210> me<00:04:58.660> as<00:04:58.840> if
anyone rebel and Val looked at me as if
anyone rebel and Val looked at me as if
they<00:04:59.230> arrived<00:04:59.620> and<00:04:59.890> splashed<00:05:00.220> in<00:05:00.430> the<00:05:00.520> face
they arrived and splashed in the face
they arrived and splashed in the face
with<00:05:00.880> cold<00:05:01.030> water<00:05:01.210> what<00:05:02.050> are<00:05:02.110> you<00:05:02.200> talking
with cold water what are you talking
with cold water what are you talking
about<00:05:02.830> Ellen<00:05:03.220> oh<00:05:03.400> you<00:05:03.820> know<00:05:04.240> the<00:05:04.480> usual<00:05:04.690> who's
about Ellen oh you know the usual who's
about Ellen oh you know the usual who's
what<00:05:05.470> what's<00:05:05.860> who<00:05:06.130> heaven<00:05:06.640> and<00:05:06.820> hell<00:05:06.970> let's<00:05:07.570> go
what what's who heaven and hell let's go
what what's who heaven and hell let's go
ahead<00:05:07.780> on<00:05:07.990> the<00:05:08.140> roof<00:05:08.320> it's<00:05:08.560> a<00:05:08.650> flat<00:05:08.830> surface
ahead on the roof it's a flat surface
ahead on the roof it's a flat surface
it's<00:05:09.550> safe<00:05:09.820> rebel<00:05:10.750> and<00:05:10.870> Val<00:05:11.050> followed<00:05:11.530> and
it's safe rebel and Val followed and
it's safe rebel and Val followed and
they<00:05:11.740> asked<00:05:11.980> what<00:05:12.010> had<00:05:12.190> gotten<00:05:12.310> into<00:05:12.760> me<00:05:12.910> this
they asked what had gotten into me this
they asked what had gotten into me this
is<00:05:13.810> the<00:05:13.960> real<00:05:14.140> me<00:05:14.380> I<00:05:14.410> announced<00:05:14.800> waving<00:05:15.220> my
is the real me I announced waving my
is the real me I announced waving my
arms<00:05:15.400> above<00:05:15.820> my<00:05:16.030> head<00:05:16.240> and<00:05:16.570> then<00:05:17.110> late<00:05:17.620> on<00:05:17.770> a
arms above my head and then late on a
arms above my head and then late on a
Friday<00:05:18.040> night<00:05:18.280> on<00:05:18.760> the<00:05:18.970> roof<00:05:19.120> of<00:05:19.240> the<00:05:19.360> Yale<00:05:19.540> Law
Friday night on the roof of the Yale Law
Friday night on the roof of the Yale Law
School<00:05:19.810> I<00:05:20.350> began<00:05:20.680> to<00:05:20.890> sing<00:05:21.130> and<00:05:21.460> not<00:05:21.580> quietly
School I began to sing and not quietly
School I began to sing and not quietly
either<00:05:22.360> come<00:05:23.170> to<00:05:23.470> the<00:05:23.710> Florida<00:05:23.980> sunshine<00:05:24.730> bush
either come to the Florida sunshine bush
either come to the Florida sunshine bush
do<00:05:26.110> you<00:05:26.200> want<00:05:26.380> to<00:05:26.470> dance<00:05:26.680> are<00:05:27.130> you<00:05:27.970> on<00:05:28.120> drugs
do you want to dance are you on drugs
do you want to dance are you on drugs
won't<00:05:28.540> answer<00:05:28.780> you<00:05:29.050> hi<00:05:29.260> Jaime<00:05:30.130> no<00:05:30.850> way<00:05:31.090> no
won't answer you hi Jaime no way no
won't answer you hi Jaime no way no
drugs<00:05:31.750> come<00:05:32.170> to<00:05:32.470> the<00:05:32.680> Florida<00:05:33.220> sunshine<00:05:33.640> bush
drugs come to the Florida sunshine bush
drugs come to the Florida sunshine bush
where<00:05:35.680> there<00:05:35.920> are<00:05:36.040> lemons<00:05:36.490> where<00:05:36.790> they<00:05:36.910> make
where there are lemons where they make
where there are lemons where they make
demons<00:05:37.600> you're<00:05:38.440> frightening<00:05:38.890> me<00:05:38.950> one<00:05:39.250> of<00:05:39.340> them
demons you're frightening me one of them
demons you're frightening me one of them
said<00:05:39.700> and<00:05:39.880> rebel<00:05:40.120> and<00:05:40.270> Val<00:05:40.419> headed<00:05:40.780> back<00:05:40.960> into
said and rebel and Val headed back into
said and rebel and Val headed back into
the<00:05:41.350> library<00:05:41.890> I<00:05:42.180> shrugged<00:05:43.180> and<00:05:43.480> followed<00:05:43.870> them
the library I shrugged and followed them
the library I shrugged and followed them
back<00:05:45.550> inside<00:05:45.790> I<00:05:46.390> asked<00:05:46.720> my<00:05:46.810> classmates<00:05:47.350> if
back inside I asked my classmates if
back inside I asked my classmates if
they<00:05:47.590> were<00:05:47.680> having<00:05:47.890> the<00:05:48.070> same<00:05:48.280> experience<00:05:48.880> of
they were having the same experience of
they were having the same experience of
words<00:05:49.240> jumping<00:05:49.690> around<00:05:49.780> our<00:05:50.050> cases<00:05:50.440> as<00:05:50.590> I<00:05:50.740> was
words jumping around our cases as I was
words jumping around our cases as I was
I<00:05:51.340> think<00:05:52.240> someone's<00:05:52.870> infiltrated<00:05:53.169> my<00:05:53.560> copies
I think someone's infiltrated my copies
I think someone's infiltrated my copies
of<00:05:54.190> the<00:05:54.280> cases<00:05:54.640> I've<00:05:54.790> said<00:05:55.060> we've<00:05:55.600> got<00:05:55.780> a<00:05:55.810> case
of the cases I've said we've got a case
of the cases I've said we've got a case
two<00:05:56.320> joined<00:05:56.650> I<00:05:56.890> don't<00:05:57.430> believe<00:05:57.700> in<00:05:57.850> joints<00:05:58.240> but
two joined I don't believe in joints but
two joined I don't believe in joints but
they<00:05:58.480> do<00:05:58.540> hold<00:05:58.810> your<00:05:59.020> body<00:05:59.169> together<00:05:59.440> it's<00:06:00.220> an
they do hold your body together it's an
they do hold your body together it's an
example<00:06:00.669> of<00:06:00.820> loose<00:06:01.150> associations<00:06:01.919> eventually
example of loose associations eventually
example of loose associations eventually
I<00:06:03.010> made<00:06:03.250> my<00:06:03.400> way<00:06:03.580> back<00:06:03.610> to<00:06:03.820> my<00:06:04.090> dorm<00:06:04.330> room<00:06:04.450> and
I made my way back to my dorm room and
I made my way back to my dorm room and
once<00:06:05.320> they<00:06:05.590> are<00:06:05.620> I<00:06:05.770> couldn't<00:06:06.310> settle<00:06:06.610> down<00:06:06.820> my
once they are I couldn't settle down my
once they are I couldn't settle down my
head<00:06:07.780> was<00:06:07.930> too<00:06:08.110> full<00:06:08.350> of<00:06:08.470> noise<00:06:08.650> too<00:06:09.460> full<00:06:09.669> of
head was too full of noise too full of
head was too full of noise too full of
orange<00:06:10.150> trees<00:06:10.390> and<00:06:10.540> law<00:06:11.140> memos<00:06:11.530> I<00:06:11.680> could<00:06:11.919> not
orange trees and law memos I could not
orange trees and law memos I could not
write<00:06:12.280> and<00:06:12.580> mass<00:06:12.850> murders<00:06:13.330> I<00:06:13.480> knew<00:06:13.630> I<00:06:13.660> would<00:06:13.900> be
write and mass murders I knew I would be
write and mass murders I knew I would be
responsible<00:06:14.440> for<00:06:14.910> sitting<00:06:15.910> on<00:06:16.000> my<00:06:16.180> bed<00:06:16.390> I
responsible for sitting on my bed I
responsible for sitting on my bed I
rocked<00:06:17.770> back<00:06:18.010> and<00:06:18.070> forth<00:06:18.340> moaning<00:06:19.120> and<00:06:19.270> fear
rocked back and forth moaning and fear
rocked back and forth moaning and fear
in<00:06:19.600> isolation<00:06:20.250> this<00:06:21.250> episode<00:06:21.700> led<00:06:21.910> to<00:06:22.030> my
in isolation this episode led to my
in isolation this episode led to my
first<00:06:22.390> hospitalization<00:06:22.810> in<00:06:23.230> America<00:06:23.710> I<00:06:24.010> had
first hospitalization in America I had
first hospitalization in America I had
to<00:06:24.520> earlier<00:06:24.910> in<00:06:25.090> England<00:06:25.570> continuing<00:06:26.380> with
to earlier in England continuing with
to earlier in England continuing with
the<00:06:26.620> writings<00:06:26.980> the<00:06:27.610> next<00:06:27.880> morning<00:06:28.180> I<00:06:28.270> went<00:06:28.390> to
the writings the next morning I went to
the writings the next morning I went to
my<00:06:28.660> professors<00:06:29.169> office<00:06:29.530> to<00:06:29.650> ask<00:06:29.770> for<00:06:30.010> an
my professors office to ask for an
my professors office to ask for an
extension<00:06:30.400> on<00:06:30.669> the<00:06:30.760> memo<00:06:31.030> assignment<00:06:31.570> and<00:06:31.720> I
extension on the memo assignment and I
extension on the memo assignment and I
began<00:06:32.380> gibbering<00:06:32.950> unintelligibly<00:06:33.700> as<00:06:33.850> I<00:06:33.970> had
began gibbering unintelligibly as I had
began gibbering unintelligibly as I had
the<00:06:34.270> night<00:06:34.419> before<00:06:34.570> and<00:06:34.900> he<00:06:34.960> eventually
the night before and he eventually
the night before and he eventually
brought<00:06:35.560> me<00:06:35.680> to<00:06:35.770> the<00:06:35.860> emergency<00:06:36.040> room<00:06:36.610> once
brought me to the emergency room once
brought me to the emergency room once
there<00:06:37.810> someone<00:06:38.500> I'll<00:06:38.590> just<00:06:38.770> call<00:06:38.980> the<00:06:39.400> doctor
there someone I'll just call the doctor
there someone I'll just call the doctor
and<00:06:40.090> his<00:06:40.630> whole<00:06:40.840> team<00:06:41.110> of<00:06:41.260> goons<00:06:41.500> swooped<00:06:42.040> down
and his whole team of goons swooped down
and his whole team of goons swooped down
lifted<00:06:42.760> me<00:06:42.910> high<00:06:43.090> into<00:06:43.390> the<00:06:43.419> air<00:06:43.539> and<00:06:43.930> slammed
lifted me high into the air and slammed
lifted me high into the air and slammed
me<00:06:44.470> down<00:06:44.650> on<00:06:44.860> a<00:06:44.950> metal<00:06:45.070> bed<00:06:45.400> with<00:06:46.060> such<00:06:46.300> force
me down on a metal bed with such force
me down on a metal bed with such force
that<00:06:46.690> I<00:06:46.870> saw<00:06:47.080> stars<00:06:47.500> then<00:06:48.250> they<00:06:48.430> strapped<00:06:48.789> by
that I saw stars then they strapped by
that I saw stars then they strapped by
and<00:06:49.420> arms<00:06:49.690> to<00:06:49.810> the<00:06:49.930> metal<00:06:50.170> bed<00:06:50.320> with<00:06:50.530> thick
and arms to the metal bed with thick
and arms to the metal bed with thick
leather<00:06:51.280> straps<00:06:51.990> account<00:06:52.990> sound<00:06:53.350> came<00:06:53.590> out<00:06:53.740> of
leather straps account sound came out of
leather straps account sound came out of
my<00:06:53.980> math<00:06:54.190> that<00:06:54.400> I'd<00:06:54.490> never<00:06:54.670> heard<00:06:54.910> before<00:06:55.150> half
my math that I'd never heard before half
my math that I'd never heard before half
grown<00:06:56.470> half<00:06:57.010> scream<00:06:58.230> barely<00:06:59.230> human<00:06:59.470> and<00:06:59.890> pure
grown half scream barely human and pure
grown half scream barely human and pure
terror
terror
terror
then<00:07:01.330> the<00:07:01.510> sound<00:07:01.780> came<00:07:02.020> again<00:07:02.080> forced<00:07:02.800> from
then the sound came again forced from
then the sound came again forced from
somewhere<00:07:03.250> deep<00:07:03.490> inside<00:07:03.670> my<00:07:04.030> belly<00:07:04.240> and
somewhere deep inside my belly and
somewhere deep inside my belly and
scraping<00:07:05.050> my<00:07:05.170> throat<00:07:05.440> raw<00:07:06.270> this<00:07:07.270> incident
scraping my throat raw this incident
scraping my throat raw this incident
resulted<00:07:08.170> in<00:07:08.590> my<00:07:08.710> involuntary
resulted in my involuntary
resulted in my involuntary
hospitalization<00:07:10.260> one<00:07:11.260> of<00:07:11.380> the<00:07:11.470> reasons<00:07:11.800> the
hospitalization one of the reasons the
hospitalization one of the reasons the
doctors<00:07:12.250> gave<00:07:12.460> her<00:07:12.670> fine<00:07:12.880> for<00:07:13.330> hospitalizing
doctors gave her fine for hospitalizing
doctors gave her fine for hospitalizing
me<00:07:14.140> against<00:07:14.440> my<00:07:14.560> will<00:07:14.590> was<00:07:14.890> that<00:07:14.920> I<00:07:15.040> was<00:07:15.220> quote
me against my will was that I was quote
me against my will was that I was quote
gravely<00:07:15.880> disabled<00:07:16.450> to<00:07:17.170> support<00:07:17.560> this<00:07:17.710> view
gravely disabled to support this view
gravely disabled to support this view
they<00:07:18.190> wrote<00:07:18.400> in<00:07:18.550> my<00:07:18.580> chart<00:07:18.970> that<00:07:19.090> I<00:07:19.180> was<00:07:19.300> unable
they wrote in my chart that I was unable
they wrote in my chart that I was unable
to<00:07:19.600> do<00:07:19.930> my<00:07:20.080> gay<00:07:20.140> law<00:07:20.500> school<00:07:20.800> homework<00:07:21.220> I
to do my gay law school homework I
to do my gay law school homework I
wondered<00:07:22.330> what<00:07:22.480> that<00:07:22.510> meant<00:07:22.660> about<00:07:23.050> much<00:07:23.200> of
wondered what that meant about much of
wondered what that meant about much of
the<00:07:23.380> rest<00:07:23.530> of<00:07:23.710> New<00:07:23.830> Haven
during<00:07:27.880> the<00:07:27.970> next<00:07:28.120> year<00:07:28.360> I<00:07:28.510> would<00:07:28.630> spend<00:07:28.960> five
during the next year I would spend five
during the next year I would spend five
months<00:07:29.650> in<00:07:29.740> a<00:07:29.800> psychiatric<00:07:29.950> hospital
months in a psychiatric hospital
months in a psychiatric hospital
at<00:07:31.120> times<00:07:31.720> I<00:07:31.900> spent<00:07:31.960> up<00:07:32.320> to<00:07:32.440> twenty<00:07:32.740> hours<00:07:32.770> and
at times I spent up to twenty hours and
at times I spent up to twenty hours and
mechanical<00:07:33.730> restraints<00:07:34.410> arms<00:07:35.410> tied<00:07:35.740> arms<00:07:36.700> and
mechanical restraints arms tied arms and
mechanical restraints arms tied arms and
legs<00:07:37.090> tied<00:07:37.420> down<00:07:37.750> arms<00:07:38.740> and<00:07:38.920> legs<00:07:39.100> tied<00:07:39.400> down
legs tied down arms and legs tied down
legs tied down arms and legs tied down
with<00:07:39.670> a<00:07:39.850> net<00:07:40.120> tied<00:07:40.420> tightly<00:07:40.810> across<00:07:40.990> my<00:07:41.410> chair
with a net tied tightly across my chair
with a net tied tightly across my chair
tress<00:07:42.220> I<00:07:42.520> never<00:07:43.300> struck<00:07:43.630> anyone<00:07:43.960> I<00:07:44.320> never
tress I never struck anyone I never
tress I never struck anyone I never
harmed<00:07:44.830> anyone<00:07:45.160> I<00:07:45.550> never<00:07:45.760> made<00:07:45.970> any<00:07:46.000> direct
harmed anyone I never made any direct
harmed anyone I never made any direct
threats<00:07:46.890> if<00:07:47.890> you've<00:07:48.100> never<00:07:48.280> been<00:07:48.580> restrained
threats if you've never been restrained
threats if you've never been restrained
yourself<00:07:49.210> you<00:07:49.660> may<00:07:49.780> have<00:07:49.900> a<00:07:49.930> benign<00:07:50.550> image<00:07:51.550> of
yourself you may have a benign image of
yourself you may have a benign image of
the<00:07:51.790> experience
the experience
the experience
there's<00:07:53.140> nothing<00:07:53.530> benign<00:07:53.830> about<00:07:54.130> it<00:07:54.340> every
there's nothing benign about it every
there's nothing benign about it every
week<00:07:55.450> in<00:07:55.600> the<00:07:55.690> United<00:07:56.020> States<00:07:56.290> has<00:07:56.440> been
week in the United States has been
week in the United States has been
estimated<00:07:56.800> that<00:07:57.250> one<00:07:57.430> to<00:07:57.580> three<00:07:57.820> people<00:07:58.000> died
estimated that one to three people died
estimated that one to three people died
in<00:07:58.300> restraints<00:07:59.080> they<00:07:59.800> strangle<00:08:00.430> they
in restraints they strangle they
in restraints they strangle they
aspirate<00:08:01.390> their<00:08:01.570> vomit<00:08:01.780> they<00:08:02.410> suffocate<00:08:02.980> they
aspirate their vomit they suffocate they
aspirate their vomit they suffocate they
have<00:08:03.280> a<00:08:03.310> heart<00:08:03.580> attack<00:08:03.670> it's<00:08:04.540> unclear<00:08:05.020> whether
have a heart attack it's unclear whether
have a heart attack it's unclear whether
using<00:08:05.590> mechanical<00:08:06.130> restraints<00:08:06.580> is<00:08:06.700> actually
using mechanical restraints is actually
using mechanical restraints is actually
saving<00:08:07.420> lives<00:08:07.750> or<00:08:08.140> costing<00:08:08.620> lives<00:08:09.330> while<00:08:10.330> I
saving lives or costing lives while I
saving lives or costing lives while I
was<00:08:10.540> preparing<00:08:10.900> to<00:08:10.990> write<00:08:11.230> my<00:08:11.350> student<00:08:11.740> note
was preparing to write my student note
was preparing to write my student note
for<00:08:12.070> the<00:08:12.130> Yale<00:08:12.280> Law<00:08:12.520> Journal<00:08:12.550> on<00:08:13.000> mechanical
for the Yale Law Journal on mechanical
for the Yale Law Journal on mechanical
restraints<00:08:14.050> I<00:08:14.200> consulted<00:08:15.040> an<00:08:15.190> eminent<00:08:15.580> law
restraints I consulted an eminent law
restraints I consulted an eminent law
professor<00:08:16.180> who<00:08:16.300> was<00:08:16.420> also<00:08:16.600> a<00:08:16.750> psychiatrist
professor who was also a psychiatrist
professor who was also a psychiatrist
and<00:08:17.770> said<00:08:18.340> surely<00:08:18.610> he<00:08:18.880> would<00:08:19.030> agree<00:08:19.240> that
and said surely he would agree that
and said surely he would agree that
restraints<00:08:20.530> must<00:08:20.740> be<00:08:20.860> degrading<00:08:21.490> painful<00:08:21.760> and
restraints must be degrading painful and
restraints must be degrading painful and
frightening<00:08:22.720> he<00:08:23.560> looked<00:08:23.740> at<00:08:23.860> me<00:08:23.980> in<00:08:24.070> a<00:08:24.130> knowing
frightening he looked at me in a knowing
frightening he looked at me in a knowing
way<00:08:24.700> and<00:08:24.970> said<00:08:25.210> Ellen<00:08:26.170> you<00:08:26.470> don't<00:08:26.650> really
way and said Ellen you don't really
way and said Ellen you don't really
understand<00:08:27.400> these<00:08:28.000> people<00:08:28.210> are<00:08:28.450> psychotic
understand these people are psychotic
understand these people are psychotic
they're<00:08:29.560> different<00:08:29.800> from<00:08:30.070> me<00:08:30.280> and<00:08:30.430> you<00:08:30.610> they
they're different from me and you they
they're different from me and you they
wouldn't<00:08:31.420> experience<00:08:31.750> restraints<00:08:32.410> as<00:08:32.530> we
wouldn't experience restraints as we
wouldn't experience restraints as we
would<00:08:33.190> I<00:08:33.630> didn't<00:08:34.630> have<00:08:34.780> the<00:08:34.900> cars<00:08:35.110> to<00:08:35.320> tell<00:08:35.530> him
would I didn't have the cars to tell him
would I didn't have the cars to tell him
in<00:08:35.830> that<00:08:35.980> moment<00:08:36.190> that<00:08:36.520> no<00:08:36.700> we<00:08:36.970> were<00:08:37.030> not<00:08:37.210> that
in that moment that no we were not that
in that moment that no we were not that
different<00:08:37.510> from<00:08:37.930> him<00:08:38.290> we<00:08:38.950> don't<00:08:39.070> like<00:08:39.280> to<00:08:39.430> be
different from him we don't like to be
different from him we don't like to be
strapped<00:08:39.880> down<00:08:40.060> to<00:08:40.330> a<00:08:40.360> bed<00:08:40.720> and<00:08:40.750> left<00:08:41.080> to
strapped down to a bed and left to
strapped down to a bed and left to
suffer<00:08:41.440> for<00:08:41.740> hours<00:08:41.980> anymore<00:08:42.250> that<00:08:42.550> he<00:08:42.730> would
suffer for hours anymore that he would
suffer for hours anymore that he would
in<00:08:43.150> fact<00:08:43.900> until<00:08:44.380> very<00:08:44.620> recently<00:08:45.070> and<00:08:45.280> I'm<00:08:45.370> sure
in fact until very recently and I'm sure
in fact until very recently and I'm sure
some<00:08:45.760> people<00:08:46.030> still<00:08:46.270> hold<00:08:46.420> it<00:08:46.660> as<00:08:46.780> a<00:08:46.810> view<00:08:47.170> that
some people still hold it as a view that
some people still hold it as a view that
restraints<00:08:48.310> help<00:08:48.490> psychiatric<00:08:49.120> patients
restraints help psychiatric patients
restraints help psychiatric patients
feel<00:08:49.720> safe<00:08:50.310> I've<00:08:51.310> never<00:08:51.580> met<00:08:51.790> a<00:08:51.820> psychiatric
feel safe I've never met a psychiatric
feel safe I've never met a psychiatric
patient<00:08:52.750> who<00:08:52.810> agreed<00:08:53.080> with<00:08:53.110> that<00:08:53.410> view<00:08:54.000> today
patient who agreed with that view today
patient who agreed with that view today
I<00:08:55.030> like<00:08:55.270> to<00:08:55.390> say<00:08:55.540> I'm<00:08:55.660> very<00:08:55.690> Pro<00:08:56.080> psychiatry
I like to say I'm very Pro psychiatry
I like to say I'm very Pro psychiatry
but<00:08:56.920> very<00:08:57.160> anti<00:08:57.580> force
but very anti force
but very anti force
I<00:08:58.270> don't<00:08:58.810> think<00:08:58.870> forces<00:08:59.380> effective<00:08:59.800> as
I don't think forces effective as
I don't think forces effective as
treatment<00:09:00.400> and<00:09:00.580> I<00:09:00.970> think<00:09:01.180> using<00:09:01.360> force<00:09:01.840> is<00:09:02.080> at
treatment and I think using force is at
treatment and I think using force is at
Arab
Arab
Arab
thing<00:09:02.730> to<00:09:02.879> do<00:09:03.029> to<00:09:03.239> another<00:09:03.420> person<00:09:03.569> with<00:09:04.170> a
thing to do to another person with a
thing to do to another person with a
terrible<00:09:04.589> illness<00:09:06.049> eventually<00:09:07.049> I<00:09:07.079> came<00:09:07.170> to
terrible illness eventually I came to
terrible illness eventually I came to
Los<00:09:07.589> Angeles<00:09:07.619> to<00:09:08.189> teach<00:09:08.339> at<00:09:08.489> the<00:09:08.579> University
Los Angeles to teach at the University
Los Angeles to teach at the University
of<00:09:09.059> Southern<00:09:09.209> California<00:09:09.869> law<00:09:10.019> school<00:09:10.410> for
of Southern California law school for
of Southern California law school for
years<00:09:11.429> I<00:09:11.610> had<00:09:11.759> resisted<00:09:12.269> medication<00:09:12.839> making
years I had resisted medication making
years I had resisted medication making
many<00:09:13.379> many<00:09:13.619> efforts<00:09:13.889> to<00:09:14.249> get<00:09:14.429> off<00:09:14.610> I<00:09:14.959> felt<00:09:15.959> that
many many efforts to get off I felt that
many many efforts to get off I felt that
if<00:09:16.259> I<00:09:16.319> could<00:09:16.350> manage<00:09:16.679> without<00:09:17.129> medication<00:09:17.790> I
if I could manage without medication I
if I could manage without medication I
could<00:09:18.089> prove<00:09:18.329> that<00:09:18.629> after<00:09:19.529> all<00:09:19.709> I<00:09:19.739> wasn't
could prove that after all I wasn't
could prove that after all I wasn't
really<00:09:20.369> mentally<00:09:20.850> ill<00:09:20.999> it<00:09:21.149> was<00:09:21.239> some<00:09:21.449> terrible
really mentally ill it was some terrible
really mentally ill it was some terrible
mistake<00:09:22.290> my<00:09:22.949> motto<00:09:23.160> was<00:09:23.459> the<00:09:23.639> less<00:09:23.819> medicine
mistake my motto was the less medicine
mistake my motto was the less medicine
the<00:09:24.779> less<00:09:24.959> effective<00:09:25.369> my<00:09:26.369> LE<00:09:26.699> analyst<00:09:27.149> dr.
the less effective my LE analyst dr.
the less effective my LE analyst dr.
Kaplan<00:09:27.929> was<00:09:28.529> urging<00:09:28.889> me<00:09:28.980> just<00:09:29.189> to<00:09:29.309> stay<00:09:29.489> on
Kaplan was urging me just to stay on
Kaplan was urging me just to stay on
medication<00:09:30.179> and<00:09:30.269> get<00:09:30.449> on<00:09:30.569> with<00:09:30.600> my<00:09:30.749> life<00:09:30.899> but<00:09:31.439> I
medication and get on with my life but I
medication and get on with my life but I
decided<00:09:32.160> I<00:09:32.429> wanted<00:09:32.579> to<00:09:32.790> make<00:09:32.939> one<00:09:33.149> last
decided I wanted to make one last
decided I wanted to make one last
college<00:09:33.809> trying<00:09:34.110> to<00:09:34.230> get<00:09:34.350> off<00:09:34.529> quoting<00:09:35.459> from
college trying to get off quoting from
college trying to get off quoting from
the<00:09:35.699> texts<00:09:36.029> I<00:09:36.589> started<00:09:37.589> the<00:09:37.679> reduction<00:09:38.189> of<00:09:38.279> my
the texts I started the reduction of my
the texts I started the reduction of my
beds<00:09:38.670> and<00:09:38.910> within<00:09:39.149> a<00:09:39.209> short<00:09:39.480> time<00:09:39.569> I<00:09:40.139> began
beds and within a short time I began
beds and within a short time I began
feeling<00:09:41.009> the<00:09:41.429> effects<00:09:41.910> after<00:09:42.389> returning<00:09:42.989> from
feeling the effects after returning from
feeling the effects after returning from
a<00:09:43.559> trip<00:09:43.589> to<00:09:43.799> Oxford<00:09:44.279> I<00:09:44.399> marched<00:09:44.790> into<00:09:44.910> Kaplan's
a trip to Oxford I marched into Kaplan's
a trip to Oxford I marched into Kaplan's
office<00:09:45.779> headed<00:09:46.110> straight<00:09:46.379> for<00:09:46.410> the<00:09:46.679> corner
office headed straight for the corner
office headed straight for the corner
crouched<00:09:47.759> down<00:09:47.970> covered<00:09:48.629> my<00:09:48.839> face<00:09:49.110> and<00:09:49.470> began
crouched down covered my face and began
crouched down covered my face and began
shaking<00:09:50.279> all<00:09:50.999> around<00:09:51.389> me<00:09:51.540> I<00:09:51.569> sensed<00:09:51.989> evil
shaking all around me I sensed evil
shaking all around me I sensed evil
beings<00:09:52.589> poised<00:09:52.860> with<00:09:53.129> daggers<00:09:53.339> they'd<00:09:54.149> sliced
beings poised with daggers they'd sliced
beings poised with daggers they'd sliced
me<00:09:54.660> up<00:09:54.779> in<00:09:54.929> thin<00:09:55.139> slices<00:09:55.679> or<00:09:55.889> make<00:09:56.069> me<00:09:56.220> swallow
me up in thin slices or make me swallow
me up in thin slices or make me swallow
hot<00:09:56.759> coals<00:09:57.110> Kaplan<00:09:58.110> would<00:09:58.230> later<00:09:58.379> describe<00:09:58.769> me
hot coals Kaplan would later describe me
hot coals Kaplan would later describe me
as<00:09:59.040> quote<00:09:59.339> writhing<00:09:59.819> in<00:09:59.850> agony<00:10:00.709> even<00:10:01.709> in<00:10:01.829> this
as quote writhing in agony even in this
as quote writhing in agony even in this
state<00:10:02.160> what<00:10:02.549> he<00:10:02.639> accurately<00:10:03.149> described<00:10:03.569> as
state what he accurately described as
state what he accurately described as
acutely<00:10:04.079> and<00:10:04.230> floridly<00:10:04.619> psychotic<00:10:04.709> I<00:10:05.519> refused
acutely and floridly psychotic I refused
acutely and floridly psychotic I refused
to<00:10:06.360> take<00:10:06.480> more<00:10:06.720> medication<00:10:07.069> the<00:10:08.069> mission<00:10:08.459> is
to take more medication the mission is
to take more medication the mission is
not<00:10:08.910> yet<00:10:09.179> complete<00:10:10.639> immediately<00:10:11.639> after<00:10:11.910> the
not yet complete immediately after the
not yet complete immediately after the
appointment<00:10:12.179> with<00:10:12.449> Kaplan<00:10:12.809> I<00:10:12.899> went<00:10:13.079> to<00:10:13.139> see
appointment with Kaplan I went to see
appointment with Kaplan I went to see
dr.<00:10:13.290> martyr<00:10:13.980> as<00:10:14.160> schizophrenia<00:10:14.790> expert<00:10:15.209> who
dr. martyr as schizophrenia expert who
dr. martyr as schizophrenia expert who
was<00:10:15.389> following<00:10:15.899> me<00:10:15.989> for<00:10:16.139> medication<00:10:16.709> side
was following me for medication side
was following me for medication side
effects<00:10:17.339> he<00:10:18.029> was<00:10:18.179> under<00:10:18.419> the<00:10:18.509> impression<00:10:18.600> that
effects he was under the impression that
effects he was under the impression that
I<00:10:19.079> had<00:10:19.230> a<00:10:19.259> mild<00:10:19.499> psychotic<00:10:20.160> illness<00:10:20.519> once<00:10:21.509> in
I had a mild psychotic illness once in
I had a mild psychotic illness once in
his<00:10:21.779> office<00:10:22.110> I<00:10:22.230> sat<00:10:22.470> on<00:10:22.499> his<00:10:22.799> couch<00:10:23.009> folded
his office I sat on his couch folded
his office I sat on his couch folded
over<00:10:24.029> and<00:10:24.239> began<00:10:24.839> muttering<00:10:25.350> head<00:10:26.249> explosions
over and began muttering head explosions
over and began muttering head explosions
and<00:10:26.999> people<00:10:27.089> trying<00:10:27.509> to<00:10:27.660> kill<00:10:27.899> is<00:10:28.169> it<00:10:28.559> okay<00:10:28.829> if
and people trying to kill is it okay if
and people trying to kill is it okay if
I<00:10:29.009> totally<00:10:29.429> trash<00:10:29.669> your<00:10:29.879> office<00:10:30.350> you<00:10:31.350> need<00:10:31.559> to
I totally trash your office you need to
I totally trash your office you need to
leave<00:10:31.860> if<00:10:32.009> you<00:10:32.100> think<00:10:32.309> you're<00:10:32.399> gonna<00:10:32.519> do<00:10:32.730> that
leave if you think you're gonna do that
leave if you think you're gonna do that
said<00:10:33.179> martyr<00:10:33.619> okay<00:10:34.619> small<00:10:35.069> fire<00:10:35.579> our<00:10:35.790> night
said martyr okay small fire our night
said martyr okay small fire our night
tell<00:10:36.299> them<00:10:36.449> not<00:10:36.600> to<00:10:36.749> kill<00:10:36.899> me<00:10:37.079> tell<00:10:37.259> them<00:10:37.379> not
tell them not to kill me tell them not
tell them not to kill me tell them not
to<00:10:37.559> kill<00:10:37.799> me<00:10:37.919> what<00:10:38.069> have<00:10:38.189> I<00:10:38.249> done<00:10:38.279> wrong
to kill me what have I done wrong
to kill me what have I done wrong
hundreds<00:10:39.600> of<00:10:39.720> thousands<00:10:40.139> with<00:10:40.259> thoughts
hundreds of thousands with thoughts
hundreds of thousands with thoughts
interdiction<00:10:41.389> Ellen<00:10:42.389> do<00:10:42.569> you<00:10:42.629> feel<00:10:42.809> like
interdiction Ellen do you feel like
interdiction Ellen do you feel like
you're<00:10:43.079> dangerous<00:10:43.470> to<00:10:43.589> yourself<00:10:43.679> or<00:10:44.069> others<00:10:44.369> I
you're dangerous to yourself or others I
you're dangerous to yourself or others I
think<00:10:45.419> you<00:10:45.509> need<00:10:45.689> to<00:10:45.749> be<00:10:45.899> that<00:10:46.049> in<00:10:46.230> the
think you need to be that in the
think you need to be that in the
hospital<00:10:46.499> I<00:10:46.949> could<00:10:47.189> get<00:10:47.309> you<00:10:47.429> admitted<00:10:47.579> right
hospital I could get you admitted right
hospital I could get you admitted right
away<00:10:48.209> and<00:10:48.329> the<00:10:48.419> whole<00:10:48.509> thing<00:10:48.749> could<00:10:48.839> be<00:10:48.989> very
away and the whole thing could be very
away and the whole thing could be very
discreet<00:10:50.360> hahaha<00:10:51.389> you're<00:10:52.230> offering<00:10:52.679> to<00:10:52.769> put
discreet hahaha you're offering to put
discreet hahaha you're offering to put
me<00:10:53.160> in<00:10:53.249> hospitals<00:10:53.839> hospitals<00:10:54.839> are<00:10:55.169> bad
me in hospitals hospitals are bad
me in hospitals hospitals are bad
they're<00:10:55.860> mad<00:10:56.069> they're<00:10:56.489> sad<00:10:56.790> one<00:10:57.540> must<00:10:57.749> stay
they're mad they're sad one must stay
they're mad they're sad one must stay
away<00:10:58.290> I'm<00:10:58.889> God<00:10:59.369> or<00:10:59.730> I<00:10:59.759> used<00:11:00.059> to<00:11:00.179> be<00:11:00.419> at<00:11:01.049> that
away I'm God or I used to be at that
away I'm God or I used to be at that
point<00:11:01.499> in<00:11:01.619> the<00:11:01.739> text<00:11:01.949> where<00:11:02.160> I<00:11:02.189> said<00:11:02.399> I'm<00:11:02.549> God
point in the text where I said I'm God
point in the text where I said I'm God
are<00:11:02.910> used<00:11:03.269> to<00:11:03.389> be<00:11:03.509> my<00:11:03.660> husband<00:11:03.989> made<00:11:04.139> a
are used to be my husband made a
are used to be my husband made a
marginal<00:11:04.679> note<00:11:04.860> he<00:11:05.040> said<00:11:05.220> did<00:11:05.399> you<00:11:05.429> quit<00:11:05.699> or
marginal note he said did you quit or
marginal note he said did you quit or
were<00:11:05.939> you<00:11:06.059> fired
were you fired
were you fired
I<00:11:09.950> give<00:11:10.950> I<00:11:11.130> give<00:11:11.190> life<00:11:11.640> and<00:11:11.880> I<00:11:11.940> take<00:11:12.180> it<00:11:12.330> away
I give I give life and I take it away
I give I give life and I take it away
forgive<00:11:13.020> me<00:11:13.170> for<00:11:13.320> I<00:11:13.380> know<00:11:13.440> not<00:11:13.710> what<00:11:13.860> I<00:11:13.920> do
forgive me for I know not what I do
forgive me for I know not what I do
eventually<00:11:15.930> I<00:11:16.440> broke<00:11:16.980> down<00:11:17.010> in<00:11:17.190> front<00:11:17.580> of
eventually I broke down in front of
eventually I broke down in front of
friends<00:11:18.150> and<00:11:18.300> everybody<00:11:18.570> convinced<00:11:19.140> me<00:11:19.230> to
friends and everybody convinced me to
friends and everybody convinced me to
take<00:11:19.500> more<00:11:19.710> medication<00:11:19.860> I<00:11:20.550> could<00:11:21.060> no<00:11:21.180> longer
take more medication I could no longer
take more medication I could no longer
deny<00:11:21.720> the<00:11:21.870> truth<00:11:22.230> and<00:11:22.410> I<00:11:22.500> could<00:11:22.650> not<00:11:22.800> change<00:11:23.100> it
deny the truth and I could not change it
deny the truth and I could not change it
the<00:11:23.850> wall<00:11:24.060> that<00:11:24.270> kept<00:11:24.510> me<00:11:24.690> Ellen<00:11:25.410> professor
the wall that kept me Ellen professor
the wall that kept me Ellen professor
Sachs<00:11:26.250> separate<00:11:27.210> from<00:11:27.360> that<00:11:27.510> insane<00:11:27.840> woman
Sachs separate from that insane woman
Sachs separate from that insane woman
hospitalized<00:11:28.710> year<00:11:28.950> pass<00:11:29.190> years<00:11:29.550> passed<00:11:29.820> like
hospitalized year pass years passed like
hospitalized year pass years passed like
smashed<00:11:30.450> in<00:11:30.690> and<00:11:30.840> ruins<00:11:31.310> everything<00:11:32.310> about
smashed in and ruins everything about
smashed in and ruins everything about
this<00:11:32.850> illness<00:11:33.000> says<00:11:33.330> I<00:11:33.360> shouldn't<00:11:33.750> be<00:11:33.870> here
this illness says I shouldn't be here
this illness says I shouldn't be here
but<00:11:34.830> I<00:11:34.890> am<00:11:35.160> and<00:11:35.550> I<00:11:35.910> am<00:11:35.940> I<00:11:36.240> think<00:11:36.300> for<00:11:36.630> three
but I am and I am I think for three
but I am and I am I think for three
reasons<00:11:37.230> first<00:11:38.010> I've<00:11:38.400> had<00:11:38.550> excellent
reasons first I've had excellent
reasons first I've had excellent
treatment<00:11:39.510> for<00:11:40.230> two<00:11:40.350> five-day-a-week
treatment for two five-day-a-week
treatment for two five-day-a-week
psychoanalytic<00:11:41.700> psychotherapy<00:11:42.210> for<00:11:42.600> decades
psychoanalytic psychotherapy for decades
psychoanalytic psychotherapy for decades
and<00:11:43.170> continuing<00:11:43.680> and<00:11:43.830> excellence
and continuing and excellence
and continuing and excellence
psychopharmacology<00:11:45.530> second<00:11:46.530> i<00:11:46.740> have<00:11:46.950> many
psychopharmacology second i have many
psychopharmacology second i have many
close<00:11:47.700> family<00:11:48.120> members<00:11:48.480> and<00:11:48.630> friends<00:11:48.870> who
close family members and friends who
close family members and friends who
know<00:11:49.410> me<00:11:49.560> and<00:11:49.590> know<00:11:49.830> my<00:11:50.010> illness<00:11:50.430> these
know me and know my illness these
know me and know my illness these
relationships<00:11:51.840> have<00:11:51.900> given<00:11:52.230> my<00:11:52.350> life<00:11:52.530> a
relationships have given my life a
relationships have given my life a
meaning<00:11:53.100> and<00:11:53.220> a<00:11:53.340> depth<00:11:53.580> and<00:11:53.880> they<00:11:54.240> also<00:11:54.390> help
meaning and a depth and they also help
meaning and a depth and they also help
me<00:11:54.810> navigate<00:11:54.990> my<00:11:55.290> life<00:11:55.620> and<00:11:55.770> fate<00:11:55.920> in<00:11:56.040> the<00:11:56.130> face
me navigate my life and fate in the face
me navigate my life and fate in the face
of<00:11:56.340> symptoms<00:11:56.990> third<00:11:57.990> I<00:11:58.290> work<00:11:58.470> at<00:11:58.620> an<00:11:58.710> enormous
of symptoms third I work at an enormous
of symptoms third I work at an enormous
ly<00:11:59.280> supportive<00:11:59.790> workplace<00:12:00.030> at<00:12:00.480> USC<00:12:00.900> Law
ly supportive workplace at USC Law
ly supportive workplace at USC Law
School<00:12:01.500> it<00:12:02.130> this<00:12:02.760> is<00:12:02.940> a<00:12:02.970> place<00:12:03.210> that<00:12:03.360> not<00:12:03.480> only
School it this is a place that not only
School it this is a place that not only
accommodates<00:12:04.470> my<00:12:04.620> needs<00:12:04.860> but<00:12:05.040> actually
accommodates my needs but actually
accommodates my needs but actually
embraces<00:12:05.850> them<00:12:06.030> it's<00:12:06.540> also<00:12:06.750> a<00:12:06.870> very
embraces them it's also a very
embraces them it's also a very
intellectually<00:12:07.710> stimulating<00:12:08.430> place<00:12:09.090> and
intellectually stimulating place and
intellectually stimulating place and
occupying<00:12:10.320> my<00:12:10.530> mind<00:12:10.560> with<00:12:10.920> complex<00:12:11.430> problems
occupying my mind with complex problems
occupying my mind with complex problems
has<00:12:12.120> been<00:12:12.270> my<00:12:12.420> best<00:12:12.690> and<00:12:13.020> most<00:12:13.440> powerful<00:12:14.340> and
has been my best and most powerful and
has been my best and most powerful and
most<00:12:14.850> reliable<00:12:15.180> defense<00:12:15.750> against<00:12:16.110> my<00:12:16.200> mental
most reliable defense against my mental
most reliable defense against my mental
illness<00:12:16.850> even<00:12:17.850> with<00:12:18.120> all<00:12:18.300> that<00:12:18.330> excellent
illness even with all that excellent
illness even with all that excellent
treatment<00:12:19.620> wonderful<00:12:20.160> family<00:12:20.490> and<00:12:20.610> friends
treatment wonderful family and friends
treatment wonderful family and friends
supported<00:12:21.570> work<00:12:21.720> environment<00:12:22.410> I<00:12:22.500> did<00:12:22.980> not
supported work environment I did not
supported work environment I did not
make<00:12:23.310> my<00:12:23.460> illness<00:12:23.850> public<00:12:24.600> until<00:12:24.870> relatively
make my illness public until relatively
make my illness public until relatively
late<00:12:25.440> in<00:12:25.650> life<00:12:25.770> and<00:12:26.250> that's<00:12:26.820> because<00:12:27.150> the
late in life and that's because the
late in life and that's because the
stigma<00:12:27.510> against<00:12:27.930> mental<00:12:28.020> illness<00:12:28.560> is<00:12:28.710> so
stigma against mental illness is so
stigma against mental illness is so
powerful<00:12:29.460> that<00:12:29.490> I<00:12:29.700> didn't<00:12:29.940> feel<00:12:30.090> safe<00:12:30.360> with
powerful that I didn't feel safe with
powerful that I didn't feel safe with
people<00:12:30.840> knowing<00:12:31.100> if<00:12:32.100> you<00:12:32.280> hear<00:12:32.490> nothing<00:12:32.640> else
people knowing if you hear nothing else
people knowing if you hear nothing else
today<00:12:33.300> please<00:12:34.140> hear<00:12:34.440> this<00:12:34.650> there<00:12:35.490> are<00:12:35.610> not
today please hear this there are not
today please hear this there are not
schizophrenic
schizophrenic
schizophrenic
there<00:12:37.650> are<00:12:37.770> people<00:12:38.040> with<00:12:38.340> schizophrenia<00:12:38.610> and
there are people with schizophrenia and
there are people with schizophrenia and
these<00:12:39.870> people<00:12:40.260> may<00:12:40.440> be<00:12:40.500> your<00:12:40.740> spouse<00:12:41.040> they<00:12:41.430> may
these people may be your spouse they may
these people may be your spouse they may
be<00:12:41.640> your<00:12:41.850> child<00:12:42.180> they<00:12:42.510> may<00:12:42.540> be<00:12:42.960> your<00:12:43.170> neighbor
be your child they may be your neighbor
be your child they may be your neighbor
they<00:12:43.830> may<00:12:43.980> be<00:12:44.040> your<00:12:44.280> friend<00:12:44.580> they<00:12:44.790> may<00:12:44.910> be<00:12:44.970> your
they may be your friend they may be your
they may be your friend they may be your
co-worker<00:12:46.400> so<00:12:47.400> let<00:12:47.580> me<00:12:47.700> share<00:12:47.880> some<00:12:48.180> final
co-worker so let me share some final
co-worker so let me share some final
thoughts<00:12:48.830> we<00:12:49.830> need<00:12:50.010> to<00:12:50.130> invest<00:12:50.460> more
thoughts we need to invest more
thoughts we need to invest more
resources<00:12:51.180> into<00:12:51.450> research<00:12:51.960> and<00:12:52.170> treatment<00:12:52.589> of
resources into research and treatment of
resources into research and treatment of
mental<00:12:52.770> illness<00:12:53.130> the<00:12:53.880> better<00:12:54.089> we<00:12:54.240> understand
mental illness the better we understand
mental illness the better we understand
these<00:12:54.900> illnesses<00:12:55.140> the<00:12:55.500> better<00:12:55.680> the
these illnesses the better the
these illnesses the better the
treatments<00:12:56.280> we<00:12:56.370> can<00:12:56.400> provide<00:12:56.790> and<00:12:57.030> the<00:12:57.089> better
treatments we can provide and the better
treatments we can provide and the better
the<00:12:57.390> treatments<00:12:57.810> we<00:12:57.900> can<00:12:58.050> provide<00:12:58.410> the<00:12:58.950> more
the treatments we can provide the more
the treatments we can provide the more
we<00:12:59.250> can<00:12:59.370> offer<00:12:59.580> people<00:13:00.000> care<00:13:00.210> and<00:13:00.390> not<00:13:00.540> have<00:13:00.720> to
we can offer people care and not have to
we can offer people care and not have to
use<00:13:00.990> force<00:13:01.339> also<00:13:02.339> we<00:13:02.790> must<00:13:02.970> stop
use force also we must stop
use force also we must stop
criminalizing<00:13:03.780> mental<00:13:04.290> illness<00:13:04.620> it's<00:13:05.160> a
criminalizing mental illness it's a
criminalizing mental illness it's a
national<00:13:05.790> tragedy<00:13:06.210> and<00:13:06.600> scandal<00:13:06.750> that<00:13:07.290> the<00:13:07.860> LA
national tragedy and scandal that the LA
national tragedy and scandal that the LA
County<00:13:08.580> Jail<00:13:08.610> is<00:13:09.089> a<00:13:09.120> big<00:13:09.390> a<00:13:09.420> psychiatric
County Jail is a big a psychiatric
County Jail is a big a psychiatric
facility<00:13:10.080> in<00:13:10.680> the<00:13:10.770> United<00:13:10.890> States<00:13:12.260> American
facility in the United States American
facility in the United States American
prisons<00:13:13.680> and<00:13:13.830> jails<00:13:13.860> are<00:13:14.190> filled<00:13:14.490> with<00:13:14.700> people
prisons and jails are filled with people
prisons and jails are filled with people
who<00:13:15.089> suffer<00:13:15.450> from<00:13:15.570> severe<00:13:15.900> mental<00:13:16.140> illness
who suffer from severe mental illness
who suffer from severe mental illness
and<00:13:16.740> many<00:13:17.280> of<00:13:17.430> them<00:13:17.550> are<00:13:17.700> there<00:13:17.790> because<00:13:18.030> they
and many of them are there because they
and many of them are there because they
never<00:13:18.450> received<00:13:18.870> adequate<00:13:19.050> treatment<00:13:19.530> I
never received adequate treatment I
never received adequate treatment I
could<00:13:20.580> have<00:13:20.670> easily<00:13:20.820> ended<00:13:21.030> up<00:13:21.390> there
could have easily ended up there
could have easily ended up there
or<00:13:21.900> on<00:13:22.080> the<00:13:22.230> streets<00:13:22.560> myself<00:13:23.190> a<00:13:23.490> message<00:13:24.480> to
or on the streets myself a message to
or on the streets myself a message to
the<00:13:24.870> entertainment<00:13:25.170> industry<00:13:25.920> into<00:13:26.100> the
the entertainment industry into the
the entertainment industry into the
press<00:13:26.460> on<00:13:26.910> the<00:13:27.450> whole<00:13:27.630> you've<00:13:27.900> done<00:13:28.080> a
press on the whole you've done a
press on the whole you've done a
wonderful<00:13:28.380> job<00:13:29.120> fighting<00:13:30.120> stigma<00:13:30.690> and
wonderful job fighting stigma and
wonderful job fighting stigma and
Prejudice<00:13:31.290> of<00:13:31.440> many<00:13:31.710> kinds<00:13:32.300> please<00:13:33.300> continue
Prejudice of many kinds please continue
Prejudice of many kinds please continue
to<00:13:34.080> let<00:13:34.200> us<00:13:34.320> see<00:13:34.440> characters<00:13:34.770> in<00:13:35.040> your<00:13:35.190> movies
to let us see characters in your movies
to let us see characters in your movies
your<00:13:35.880> plays<00:13:36.150> your<00:13:36.990> columns<00:13:37.500> who<00:13:37.650> suffer<00:13:38.040> with
your plays your columns who suffer with
your plays your columns who suffer with
severe<00:13:38.520> mental<00:13:38.730> illness<00:13:39.180> portray<00:13:40.050> them
severe mental illness portray them
severe mental illness portray them
sympathetically<00:13:41.010> and<00:13:41.040> portray<00:13:41.550> them<00:13:41.730> in<00:13:41.880> all
sympathetically and portray them in all
sympathetically and portray them in all
the<00:13:42.180> richness<00:13:42.390> and<00:13:42.810> depth<00:13:43.589> of<00:13:43.860> their
the richness and depth of their
the richness and depth of their
experience<00:13:44.550> as<00:13:44.760> people<00:13:45.210> and<00:13:45.420> not<00:13:45.660> as
experience as people and not as
experience as people and not as
diagnosis<00:13:47.300> recently<00:13:48.300> a<00:13:48.330> friend<00:13:48.510> posed<00:13:48.839> a
diagnosis recently a friend posed a
diagnosis recently a friend posed a
question<00:13:49.140> if<00:13:49.650> there<00:13:50.190> were<00:13:50.339> a<00:13:50.400> pill<00:13:50.670> I<00:13:50.700> could
question if there were a pill I could
question if there were a pill I could
take<00:13:51.210> that<00:13:51.360> would<00:13:51.480> instantly<00:13:51.779> cure<00:13:52.200> me<00:13:52.380> would
take that would instantly cure me would
take that would instantly cure me would
I<00:13:52.529> take<00:13:52.830> it<00:13:53.040> the<00:13:53.820> poet<00:13:54.240> Rainer<00:13:54.810> Maria<00:13:55.170> Rilke<00:13:55.560> he
I take it the poet Rainer Maria Rilke he
I take it the poet Rainer Maria Rilke he
was<00:13:55.890> offered<00:13:56.190> psychoanalysis<00:13:56.750> he<00:13:57.750> declined
was offered psychoanalysis he declined
was offered psychoanalysis he declined
saying<00:13:58.440> don't<00:13:58.740> take<00:13:58.890> my<00:13:59.040> Devils<00:13:59.400> away<00:13:59.640> because
saying don't take my Devils away because
saying don't take my Devils away because
my<00:13:59.970> angels<00:14:00.450> may<00:14:00.570> flee<00:14:00.839> to<00:14:01.130> my<00:14:02.130> psychosis<00:14:02.820> on
my angels may flee to my psychosis on
my angels may flee to my psychosis on
the<00:14:03.089> other<00:14:03.210> hand<00:14:03.480> is<00:14:03.630> a<00:14:03.660> waking<00:14:03.930> nightmare<00:14:04.110> in
the other hand is a waking nightmare in
the other hand is a waking nightmare in
which<00:14:04.830> my<00:14:04.980> Devils<00:14:05.370> are<00:14:05.520> so<00:14:05.730> terrifying<00:14:06.300> that
which my Devils are so terrifying that
which my Devils are so terrifying that
all<00:14:06.660> my<00:14:06.810> angels<00:14:07.200> have<00:14:07.320> already<00:14:07.620> fled<00:14:07.920> so<00:14:08.880> would
all my angels have already fled so would
all my angels have already fled so would
I<00:14:09.089> take<00:14:09.420> the<00:14:09.600> medicate<00:14:10.260> the<00:14:10.380> pill<00:14:10.589> in<00:14:10.860> an
I take the medicate the pill in an
I take the medicate the pill in an
instant<00:14:11.880> that<00:14:12.660> said<00:14:13.050> I<00:14:13.320> don't<00:14:13.440> wish<00:14:13.740> to<00:14:13.770> be
instant that said I don't wish to be
instant that said I don't wish to be
seen<00:14:14.310> as<00:14:14.490> regretting<00:14:14.940> the<00:14:15.029> life<00:14:15.180> I<00:14:15.360> could<00:14:15.570> have
seen as regretting the life I could have
seen as regretting the life I could have
had<00:14:15.690> if<00:14:15.960> I'd<00:14:16.080> not<00:14:16.230> been<00:14:16.470> mentally<00:14:16.860> ill<00:14:17.040> nor<00:14:17.850> am
had if I'd not been mentally ill nor am
had if I'd not been mentally ill nor am
I<00:14:18.029> asking<00:14:18.330> anyone<00:14:18.690> for<00:14:18.720> their<00:14:18.960> pity<00:14:19.230> what<00:14:20.070> I
I asking anyone for their pity what I
I asking anyone for their pity what I
rather<00:14:20.370> wish<00:14:20.640> to<00:14:20.820> say<00:14:21.000> is<00:14:21.120> that<00:14:21.240> the<00:14:21.360> humanity
rather wish to say is that the humanity
rather wish to say is that the humanity
we<00:14:22.110> all<00:14:22.320> share<00:14:22.680> is<00:14:22.950> more<00:14:23.250> important<00:14:23.700> than<00:14:23.760> the
we all share is more important than the
we all share is more important than the
mental<00:14:24.150> illness<00:14:24.420> we<00:14:24.540> may<00:14:24.720> not<00:14:24.930> but<00:14:25.650> those<00:14:25.860> of
mental illness we may not but those of
mental illness we may not but those of
us<00:14:26.160> who<00:14:26.310> suffer<00:14:26.610> with<00:14:26.640> mental<00:14:27.060> illness<00:14:27.300> want
us who suffer with mental illness want
us who suffer with mental illness want
is<00:14:27.780> what<00:14:28.020> everybody<00:14:28.380> wants<00:14:28.800> in<00:14:28.950> the<00:14:29.400> words<00:14:29.580> of
is what everybody wants in the words of
is what everybody wants in the words of
Sigmund<00:14:30.089> Freud<00:14:30.420> to<00:14:30.900> work<00:14:31.110> until<00:14:31.380> love<00:14:31.560> thank
Sigmund Freud to work until love thank
Sigmund Freud to work until love thank
you
Elyn Saks, mental, illness, schizophrenia, normalize, mental, illness, stigma, TED, TED-Ed, TED, Ed, TEDEducation
