Agile programming -- for your family - Bruce Feiler
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so<00:00:16.320> here's<00:00:16.560> the<00:00:16.720> good<00:00:16.960> news<00:00:17.199> about<00:00:17.520> families
so here's the good news about families
so here's the good news about families
the<00:00:18.800> last<00:00:19.119> 50<00:00:19.439> years<00:00:19.760> have<00:00:19.920> seen<00:00:20.160> a<00:00:20.240> revolution
the last 50 years have seen a revolution
the last 50 years have seen a revolution
in<00:00:20.960> what<00:00:21.039> it<00:00:21.199> means<00:00:21.439> to<00:00:21.520> be<00:00:21.680> a<00:00:21.760> family<00:00:22.560> we<00:00:22.720> have
in what it means to be a family we have
in what it means to be a family we have
blended<00:00:23.359> families<00:00:24.000> adoptive<00:00:24.480> families<00:00:25.359> we
blended families adoptive families we
blended families adoptive families we
have<00:00:25.680> nuclear<00:00:26.080> families<00:00:26.400> living<00:00:26.720> in<00:00:26.800> separate
have nuclear families living in separate
have nuclear families living in separate
houses<00:00:27.840> and<00:00:28.000> divorce<00:00:28.480> families<00:00:28.880> living<00:00:29.199> in
houses and divorce families living in
houses and divorce families living in
the<00:00:29.359> same<00:00:29.679> house
the same house
the same house
but<00:00:30.960> through<00:00:31.199> it<00:00:31.279> all<00:00:31.439> the<00:00:31.599> family<00:00:31.840> has<00:00:32.000> grown
but through it all the family has grown
but through it all the family has grown
stronger
stronger
stronger
eight<00:00:33.840> and<00:00:34.000> ten<00:00:34.399> say<00:00:34.640> the<00:00:34.800> family<00:00:35.120> they<00:00:35.280> have
eight and ten say the family they have
eight and ten say the family they have
today<00:00:36.160> is<00:00:36.399> as<00:00:36.640> strong<00:00:37.120> or<00:00:37.440> stronger<00:00:38.079> than<00:00:38.239> the
today is as strong or stronger than the
today is as strong or stronger than the
family<00:00:38.719> they<00:00:38.879> grew<00:00:39.120> up<00:00:39.280> in
family they grew up in
family they grew up in
now<00:00:40.879> here's<00:00:41.120> the<00:00:41.280> bad<00:00:41.520> news
now here's the bad news
now here's the bad news
nearly<00:00:42.879> everyone<00:00:43.360> is<00:00:43.520> completely
nearly everyone is completely
nearly everyone is completely
overwhelmed<00:00:44.800> by<00:00:44.960> the<00:00:45.120> chaos<00:00:45.600> of<00:00:45.760> family<00:00:46.160> life
overwhelmed by the chaos of family life
overwhelmed by the chaos of family life
every<00:00:47.520> parent<00:00:47.840> i<00:00:47.920> know<00:00:48.160> myself<00:00:48.640> included
every parent i know myself included
every parent i know myself included
feels<00:00:49.360> like<00:00:49.520> we're<00:00:49.680> constantly<00:00:50.160> playing
feels like we're constantly playing
feels like we're constantly playing
defense
defense
defense
just<00:00:52.160> when<00:00:52.320> our<00:00:52.399> kids<00:00:52.640> stop<00:00:52.960> teething<00:00:53.360> they
just when our kids stop teething they
just when our kids stop teething they
start<00:00:53.680> having<00:00:54.000> tantrums<00:00:54.879> just<00:00:55.120> when<00:00:55.280> they
start having tantrums just when they
start having tantrums just when they
stop<00:00:55.600> needing<00:00:55.840> our<00:00:55.920> help<00:00:56.160> taking<00:00:56.399> a<00:00:56.480> bath<00:00:56.719> they
stop needing our help taking a bath they
stop needing our help taking a bath they
need<00:00:57.039> our<00:00:57.120> help<00:00:57.280> dealing<00:00:57.600> with<00:00:57.840> cyber
need our help dealing with cyber
need our help dealing with cyber
stalking<00:00:58.640> or<00:00:58.800> bullying
stalking or bullying
stalking or bullying
and<00:01:00.719> here's<00:01:00.960> the<00:01:01.120> worst<00:01:01.440> news<00:01:01.680> of<00:01:01.840> all
and here's the worst news of all
and here's the worst news of all
our<00:01:03.039> children's<00:01:03.520> sense<00:01:03.920> we're<00:01:04.159> out<00:01:04.239> of
our children's sense we're out of
our children's sense we're out of
control
control
control
ellen<00:01:06.479> golinski<00:01:07.040> of<00:01:07.119> the<00:01:07.200> families<00:01:07.520> and<00:01:07.680> work
ellen golinski of the families and work
ellen golinski of the families and work
institute<00:01:08.799> asked<00:01:09.119> a<00:01:09.280> thousand<00:01:09.680> children<00:01:10.159> if
institute asked a thousand children if
institute asked a thousand children if
you<00:01:10.479> were<00:01:10.640> granted<00:01:11.200> one<00:01:11.520> wish<00:01:11.840> about<00:01:12.080> your
you were granted one wish about your
you were granted one wish about your
parents<00:01:12.880> what<00:01:13.040> would<00:01:13.280> it<00:01:13.360> be
parents what would it be
parents what would it be
the<00:01:14.799> parents<00:01:15.360> predicted<00:01:16.000> the<00:01:16.159> kids<00:01:16.400> would<00:01:16.560> say
the parents predicted the kids would say
the parents predicted the kids would say
spending<00:01:17.360> more<00:01:17.520> time<00:01:17.759> with<00:01:17.920> them
spending more time with them
spending more time with them
they<00:01:19.920> were<00:01:20.159> wrong
they were wrong
they were wrong
the<00:01:21.439> kids<00:01:21.759> number<00:01:22.080> one<00:01:22.320> wish<00:01:22.720> that<00:01:22.880> their
the kids number one wish that their
the kids number one wish that their
parents<00:01:23.520> be<00:01:23.840> less<00:01:24.159> tired<00:01:24.799> and<00:01:25.119> less<00:01:25.360> stressed
parents be less tired and less stressed
parents be less tired and less stressed
so<00:01:27.040> how<00:01:27.200> can<00:01:27.360> we<00:01:27.600> change<00:01:28.000> this<00:01:28.240> dynamic<00:01:28.960> are
so how can we change this dynamic are
so how can we change this dynamic are
there<00:01:29.280> concrete<00:01:29.759> things<00:01:30.080> we<00:01:30.240> can<00:01:30.400> do<00:01:30.799> to
there concrete things we can do to
there concrete things we can do to
reduce<00:01:31.520> stress<00:01:32.320> draw<00:01:32.640> our<00:01:32.799> family<00:01:33.200> closer
reduce stress draw our family closer
reduce stress draw our family closer
and<00:01:34.960> generally<00:01:35.680> prepare<00:01:36.159> our<00:01:36.320> children<00:01:36.640> to
and generally prepare our children to
and generally prepare our children to
enter<00:01:37.119> the<00:01:37.200> world
enter the world
enter the world
i<00:01:39.200> spent<00:01:39.439> the<00:01:39.520> last<00:01:39.759> few<00:01:39.920> years<00:01:40.159> trying<00:01:40.400> to
i spent the last few years trying to
i spent the last few years trying to
answer<00:01:40.880> that<00:01:41.119> question
answer that question
answer that question
traveling<00:01:42.479> around<00:01:43.040> meeting<00:01:43.439> families
traveling around meeting families
traveling around meeting families
talking<00:01:44.240> to<00:01:44.720> scholars<00:01:45.680> experts<00:01:46.240> ranging<00:01:46.640> from
talking to scholars experts ranging from
talking to scholars experts ranging from
elite<00:01:47.280> peace<00:01:47.520> negotiators<00:01:48.320> to<00:01:48.799> warren
elite peace negotiators to warren
elite peace negotiators to warren
buffett's<00:01:49.600> bankers<00:01:50.159> to<00:01:50.320> the<00:01:50.479> green<00:01:50.720> berets
buffett's bankers to the green berets
buffett's bankers to the green berets
i<00:01:52.240> was<00:01:52.399> trying<00:01:52.640> to<00:01:52.799> figure<00:01:53.119> out<00:01:53.280> what<00:01:53.439> do<00:01:53.759> happy
i was trying to figure out what do happy
i was trying to figure out what do happy
families<00:01:54.799> do<00:01:55.040> right<00:01:55.759> and<00:01:55.840> what<00:01:56.000> can<00:01:56.159> i<00:01:56.240> learn
families do right and what can i learn
families do right and what can i learn
from<00:01:56.720> them<00:01:57.119> to<00:01:57.280> make<00:01:57.520> my<00:01:57.840> family<00:01:58.479> happier
from them to make my family happier
from them to make my family happier
i<00:02:00.560> want<00:02:00.640> to<00:02:00.719> tell<00:02:00.880> you<00:02:00.960> about<00:02:01.119> one<00:02:01.439> family<00:02:01.759> that
i want to tell you about one family that
i want to tell you about one family that
i<00:02:02.079> met<00:02:02.240> and<00:02:02.399> why<00:02:02.560> i<00:02:02.640> think<00:02:02.799> they<00:02:03.040> offer<00:02:03.439> clues
i met and why i think they offer clues
i met and why i think they offer clues
at<00:02:05.200> 7<00:02:05.439> p.m<00:02:05.840> on<00:02:06.000> a<00:02:06.079> sunday<00:02:06.479> in<00:02:06.640> hidden<00:02:06.960> springs
at 7 p.m on a sunday in hidden springs
at 7 p.m on a sunday in hidden springs
idaho<00:02:07.920> the<00:02:08.479> six<00:02:08.720> members<00:02:09.039> of<00:02:09.119> the<00:02:09.200> star<00:02:09.520> family
idaho the six members of the star family
idaho the six members of the star family
are<00:02:09.920> sitting<00:02:10.160> down<00:02:10.399> to<00:02:10.479> the<00:02:10.640> highlight<00:02:11.039> of
are sitting down to the highlight of
are sitting down to the highlight of
their<00:02:11.360> week<00:02:12.000> the<00:02:12.160> family<00:02:12.560> meeting
their week the family meeting
their week the family meeting
the<00:02:14.080> stars<00:02:14.480> are<00:02:14.560> a<00:02:14.720> regular<00:02:15.120> american<00:02:15.520> family
the stars are a regular american family
the stars are a regular american family
with<00:02:15.920> their<00:02:16.160> share<00:02:16.400> of<00:02:16.480> regular<00:02:16.800> american
with their share of regular american
with their share of regular american
family<00:02:17.680> problems
family problems
family problems
david<00:02:19.120> is<00:02:19.200> a<00:02:19.280> software<00:02:19.760> engineer<00:02:20.480> eleanor
david is a software engineer eleanor
david is a software engineer eleanor
takes<00:02:21.120> care<00:02:21.360> of<00:02:21.440> their<00:02:21.599> four<00:02:21.840> children<00:02:22.480> ages
takes care of their four children ages
takes care of their four children ages
10<00:02:23.040> to<00:02:23.200> 15.
10 to 15.
10 to 15.
one<00:02:24.720> of<00:02:24.800> those<00:02:24.959> kids<00:02:25.280> tutors<00:02:25.680> math<00:02:25.920> on<00:02:26.080> the<00:02:26.160> far
one of those kids tutors math on the far
one of those kids tutors math on the far
side<00:02:26.640> of<00:02:26.720> town<00:02:27.280> one<00:02:27.520> has<00:02:27.680> lacrosse<00:02:28.160> on<00:02:28.239> the
side of town one has lacrosse on the
side of town one has lacrosse on the
near<00:02:28.640> side<00:02:28.800> of<00:02:28.959> town<00:02:29.599> one<00:02:29.760> has<00:02:30.080> asperger's
near side of town one has asperger's
near side of town one has asperger's
syndrome<00:02:31.200> one<00:02:31.440> has<00:02:31.680> adhd
syndrome one has adhd
syndrome one has adhd
we<00:02:33.120> were<00:02:33.280> living<00:02:33.599> in<00:02:33.760> complete<00:02:34.160> chaos<00:02:34.800> eleanor
we were living in complete chaos eleanor
we were living in complete chaos eleanor
said
said
said
what<00:02:37.120> the<00:02:37.280> stars<00:02:37.599> did<00:02:37.840> next<00:02:38.160> though<00:02:38.319> was
what the stars did next though was
what the stars did next though was
surprising
surprising
surprising
instead<00:02:40.080> of<00:02:40.239> turning<00:02:40.560> to<00:02:41.040> friends<00:02:41.519> or
instead of turning to friends or
instead of turning to friends or
relatives
relatives
relatives
they<00:02:43.040> looked<00:02:43.280> to<00:02:43.440> david's<00:02:43.840> workplace
they looked to david's workplace
they looked to david's workplace
they<00:02:45.519> turned<00:02:45.760> to<00:02:45.920> a<00:02:46.000> cutting-edge<00:02:46.480> program
they turned to a cutting-edge program
they turned to a cutting-edge program
called<00:02:47.120> agile<00:02:47.599> development<00:02:48.239> that<00:02:48.400> was<00:02:48.560> just
called agile development that was just
called agile development that was just
spreading<00:02:49.200> from<00:02:49.440> manufacturers<00:02:50.239> in<00:02:50.400> japan<00:02:51.200> to
spreading from manufacturers in japan to
spreading from manufacturers in japan to
startups<00:02:52.080> in<00:02:52.160> silicon<00:02:52.640> valley
startups in silicon valley
startups in silicon valley
in<00:02:54.400> agile<00:02:54.800> workers<00:02:55.280> are<00:02:55.519> organized<00:02:56.000> into
in agile workers are organized into
in agile workers are organized into
small<00:02:56.720> groups<00:02:56.959> and<00:02:57.120> do<00:02:57.280> things<00:02:57.519> in<00:02:57.680> very<00:02:58.000> short
small groups and do things in very short
small groups and do things in very short
spans<00:02:58.800> of<00:02:58.959> time
spans of time
spans of time
so<00:03:00.000> instead<00:03:00.239> of<00:03:00.319> having<00:03:00.640> executives<00:03:01.280> issue
so instead of having executives issue
so instead of having executives issue
grand<00:03:01.840> proclamations<00:03:02.959> the<00:03:03.120> team<00:03:03.360> in<00:03:03.519> effect
grand proclamations the team in effect
grand proclamations the team in effect
manages<00:03:04.800> itself<00:03:05.760> you<00:03:05.920> have<00:03:06.080> constant
manages itself you have constant
manages itself you have constant
feedback<00:03:06.959> you<00:03:07.120> have<00:03:07.280> daily<00:03:07.680> update<00:03:08.000> sessions
feedback you have daily update sessions
feedback you have daily update sessions
you<00:03:08.480> have<00:03:08.640> weekly<00:03:09.040> reviews<00:03:09.599> you're
you have weekly reviews you're
you have weekly reviews you're
constantly<00:03:10.720> changing
constantly changing
constantly changing
david<00:03:12.560> said<00:03:12.720> when<00:03:12.879> they<00:03:13.040> brought<00:03:13.280> this<00:03:13.519> system
david said when they brought this system
david said when they brought this system
into<00:03:14.239> their<00:03:14.480> home
into their home
into their home
the<00:03:15.680> family<00:03:15.920> meetings<00:03:16.319> in<00:03:16.400> particular
the family meetings in particular
the family meetings in particular
increased<00:03:17.760> communication
increased communication
increased communication
decreased<00:03:19.519> stress<00:03:20.159> and<00:03:20.319> made<00:03:20.640> everybody
decreased stress and made everybody
decreased stress and made everybody
happier<00:03:21.680> to<00:03:21.760> be<00:03:21.920> part<00:03:22.080> of<00:03:22.159> the<00:03:22.319> family<00:03:22.720> team
happier to be part of the family team
happier to be part of the family team
when<00:03:24.159> my<00:03:24.400> wife<00:03:24.640> and<00:03:24.800> i<00:03:24.959> adopted<00:03:25.360> these<00:03:25.519> family
when my wife and i adopted these family
when my wife and i adopted these family
meetings<00:03:26.239> and<00:03:26.400> other<00:03:26.640> techniques<00:03:27.519> into<00:03:27.760> the
meetings and other techniques into the
meetings and other techniques into the
lives<00:03:28.159> of<00:03:28.400> our<00:03:28.879> then<00:03:29.120> five-year-old<00:03:29.680> twin
lives of our then five-year-old twin
lives of our then five-year-old twin
daughters<00:03:30.799> it<00:03:30.879> was<00:03:31.120> the<00:03:31.280> biggest<00:03:31.680> single
daughters it was the biggest single
daughters it was the biggest single
change<00:03:32.400> we<00:03:32.640> made<00:03:32.959> since<00:03:33.200> our<00:03:33.360> daughters<00:03:33.680> were
change we made since our daughters were
change we made since our daughters were
born
born
born
and<00:03:34.799> these<00:03:35.040> meetings<00:03:35.440> had<00:03:35.599> this<00:03:36.000> effect
and these meetings had this effect
and these meetings had this effect
while<00:03:37.120> taking<00:03:37.599> under<00:03:37.840> 20<00:03:38.159> minutes
while taking under 20 minutes
while taking under 20 minutes
so<00:03:39.599> what<00:03:39.840> is<00:03:40.000> agile<00:03:40.400> and<00:03:40.560> why<00:03:40.879> why<00:03:41.040> can<00:03:41.200> it<00:03:41.280> help
so what is agile and why why can it help
so what is agile and why why can it help
with<00:03:41.599> something<00:03:41.840> that<00:03:41.920> seems<00:03:42.159> so<00:03:42.319> different
with something that seems so different
with something that seems so different
like<00:03:42.879> families
like families
like families
in<00:03:44.319> 1983<00:03:45.040> jeff<00:03:45.280> sutherland<00:03:45.680> was<00:03:45.920> a
in 1983 jeff sutherland was a
in 1983 jeff sutherland was a
technologist<00:03:46.640> at<00:03:46.720> a<00:03:46.799> financial<00:03:47.360> firm<00:03:47.680> in<00:03:47.760> new
technologist at a financial firm in new
technologist at a financial firm in new
england<00:03:48.799> he<00:03:48.959> was<00:03:49.200> very<00:03:49.360> frustrated<00:03:49.840> with<00:03:50.000> how
england he was very frustrated with how
england he was very frustrated with how
software<00:03:50.959> got<00:03:51.200> designed
software got designed
software got designed
companies<00:03:52.879> followed<00:03:53.200> the<00:03:53.519> waterfall<00:03:54.159> method
companies followed the waterfall method
companies followed the waterfall method
right<00:03:54.640> in<00:03:54.720> which<00:03:54.959> executives<00:03:55.519> issued<00:03:55.840> orders
right in which executives issued orders
right in which executives issued orders
that<00:03:56.319> slowly<00:03:57.040> trickled<00:03:57.439> down<00:03:58.000> to<00:03:58.159> programmers
that slowly trickled down to programmers
that slowly trickled down to programmers
below<00:03:59.280> and<00:03:59.360> no<00:03:59.519> one<00:03:59.680> had<00:03:59.840> ever<00:04:00.080> consulted<00:04:00.640> the
below and no one had ever consulted the
below and no one had ever consulted the
programmers
programmers
programmers
83<00:04:02.879> of<00:04:03.040> projects<00:04:03.760> failed
83 of projects failed
83 of projects failed
they<00:04:04.959> were<00:04:05.439> too<00:04:05.599> bloated<00:04:06.080> or<00:04:06.319> too<00:04:06.560> out<00:04:06.640> of<00:04:06.799> date
they were too bloated or too out of date
they were too bloated or too out of date
by<00:04:07.120> the<00:04:07.200> time<00:04:07.439> they<00:04:07.599> were<00:04:07.760> done
by the time they were done
by the time they were done
sutherland<00:04:10.239> wanted<00:04:10.480> to<00:04:10.640> create<00:04:10.879> a<00:04:10.959> system
sutherland wanted to create a system
sutherland wanted to create a system
where
where
where
ideas<00:04:12.799> didn't<00:04:13.040> just<00:04:13.200> percolate<00:04:14.159> down<00:04:14.480> but
ideas didn't just percolate down but
ideas didn't just percolate down but
could<00:04:14.879> percolate<00:04:15.439> up<00:04:15.599> from<00:04:15.760> the<00:04:15.840> bottom<00:04:16.320> and
could percolate up from the bottom and
could percolate up from the bottom and
be<00:04:16.720> adjusted<00:04:17.280> in<00:04:17.440> real<00:04:17.680> time
be adjusted in real time
be adjusted in real time
he<00:04:19.359> read<00:04:19.680> 30<00:04:20.079> years<00:04:20.720> of<00:04:21.120> harvard<00:04:21.440> business
he read 30 years of harvard business
he read 30 years of harvard business
review<00:04:22.160> before<00:04:22.479> stumbling<00:04:22.800> upon<00:04:23.040> an<00:04:23.280> article
review before stumbling upon an article
review before stumbling upon an article
in<00:04:23.680> 1986<00:04:24.720> called<00:04:24.960> the<00:04:25.120> new<00:04:25.440> new<00:04:25.680> product
in 1986 called the new new product
in 1986 called the new new product
development<00:04:26.840> game<00:04:27.919> it<00:04:28.160> said<00:04:28.320> that<00:04:28.479> the<00:04:28.639> pace
development game it said that the pace
development game it said that the pace
of<00:04:29.040> business<00:04:29.360> was<00:04:29.600> quickening<00:04:29.919> and<00:04:30.000> by<00:04:30.080> the
of business was quickening and by the
of business was quickening and by the
way<00:04:30.240> this<00:04:30.400> was<00:04:30.560> 1986
way this was 1986
way this was 1986
and<00:04:32.720> the<00:04:33.120> most<00:04:33.360> successful<00:04:33.919> companies<00:04:34.479> were
and the most successful companies were
and the most successful companies were
flexible
flexible
flexible
it<00:04:36.240> highlighted<00:04:36.800> toyota<00:04:37.360> and<00:04:37.520> canon<00:04:38.000> and
it highlighted toyota and canon and
it highlighted toyota and canon and
likened<00:04:38.639> their<00:04:38.960> adaptable<00:04:39.600> tight-knit<00:04:40.160> teams
likened their adaptable tight-knit teams
likened their adaptable tight-knit teams
to<00:04:40.880> rugby<00:04:41.360> scrums
to rugby scrums
to rugby scrums
as<00:04:43.120> sutherland<00:04:43.520> told<00:04:43.680> me<00:04:43.840> we<00:04:43.919> got<00:04:44.080> to<00:04:44.240> that
as sutherland told me we got to that
as sutherland told me we got to that
article<00:04:44.720> and<00:04:44.800> said<00:04:45.040> that's<00:04:45.360> it
article and said that's it
article and said that's it
in<00:04:47.040> sutherland<00:04:47.600> system<00:04:48.160> companies<00:04:48.720> don't<00:04:49.120> use
in sutherland system companies don't use
in sutherland system companies don't use
large<00:04:50.240> massive<00:04:50.720> projects<00:04:51.199> that<00:04:51.280> take<00:04:51.520> two
large massive projects that take two
large massive projects that take two
years<00:04:52.320> they<00:04:52.479> do<00:04:52.639> things<00:04:52.960> in<00:04:53.120> small<00:04:53.440> chunks
years they do things in small chunks
years they do things in small chunks
nothing<00:04:54.160> takes<00:04:54.400> longer<00:04:54.880> than<00:04:55.120> two<00:04:55.360> weeks<00:04:56.080> so
nothing takes longer than two weeks so
nothing takes longer than two weeks so
instead<00:04:56.560> of<00:04:56.639> saying<00:04:56.960> you<00:04:57.120> guys<00:04:57.360> go<00:04:57.520> off<00:04:57.680> into
instead of saying you guys go off into
instead of saying you guys go off into
that<00:04:58.000> bunker<00:04:58.320> and<00:04:58.400> come<00:04:58.560> back<00:04:58.800> with<00:04:59.040> a<00:04:59.360> cell
that bunker and come back with a cell
that bunker and come back with a cell
phone<00:04:59.919> or<00:05:00.080> a<00:05:00.160> social<00:05:00.479> network
phone or a social network
phone or a social network
you<00:05:01.600> say<00:05:01.919> you<00:05:02.080> go<00:05:02.320> off<00:05:02.560> and<00:05:02.639> come<00:05:02.880> up<00:05:02.960> with<00:05:03.120> one
you say you go off and come up with one
you say you go off and come up with one
element<00:05:03.840> then<00:05:04.080> bring<00:05:04.240> it<00:05:04.320> back<00:05:04.639> let's<00:05:04.880> talk
element then bring it back let's talk
element then bring it back let's talk
about<00:05:05.280> it<00:05:05.440> let's<00:05:05.680> adapt
about it let's adapt
about it let's adapt
you<00:05:06.960> succeed<00:05:07.520> or<00:05:07.759> fail
you succeed or fail
you succeed or fail
quickly<00:05:10.240> today<00:05:10.800> agile<00:05:11.199> is<00:05:11.280> used<00:05:11.600> in<00:05:11.759> a<00:05:11.840> hundred
quickly today agile is used in a hundred
quickly today agile is used in a hundred
countries<00:05:13.199> and<00:05:13.360> it's<00:05:13.600> sweeping<00:05:14.080> into
countries and it's sweeping into
countries and it's sweeping into
management<00:05:14.880> suites
management suites
management suites
inevitably<00:05:16.479> people<00:05:16.720> began<00:05:17.120> taking<00:05:17.520> some<00:05:17.680> of
inevitably people began taking some of
inevitably people began taking some of
these<00:05:18.000> techniques<00:05:18.560> and<00:05:18.720> applying<00:05:19.120> it<00:05:19.199> to
these techniques and applying it to
these techniques and applying it to
their<00:05:19.600> families
their families
their families
you<00:05:20.720> had<00:05:20.880> blogs<00:05:21.280> pop<00:05:21.520> up<00:05:21.759> and<00:05:21.919> some<00:05:22.080> manuals
you had blogs pop up and some manuals
you had blogs pop up and some manuals
were<00:05:22.720> written<00:05:23.440> even<00:05:23.680> the<00:05:23.840> cell<00:05:24.000> ones<00:05:24.320> told<00:05:24.479> me
were written even the cell ones told me
were written even the cell ones told me
that<00:05:24.720> they<00:05:24.880> had<00:05:25.199> an<00:05:25.360> agile<00:05:25.759> thanksgiving
that they had an agile thanksgiving
that they had an agile thanksgiving
where<00:05:26.800> you<00:05:26.880> had<00:05:27.280> one<00:05:27.600> one<00:05:27.759> group<00:05:28.000> of<00:05:28.080> people
where you had one one group of people
where you had one one group of people
working<00:05:28.639> in<00:05:28.720> the<00:05:28.880> food<00:05:29.360> one<00:05:29.600> setting<00:05:29.919> the
working in the food one setting the
working in the food one setting the
table<00:05:30.320> and<00:05:30.400> one<00:05:30.639> greeting<00:05:30.960> visitors<00:05:31.280> at<00:05:31.360> the
table and one greeting visitors at the
table and one greeting visitors at the
door
door
door
someone<00:05:33.120> said<00:05:33.199> it<00:05:33.280> was<00:05:33.440> the<00:05:33.600> best
someone said it was the best
someone said it was the best
thanksgiving<00:05:34.479> ever
thanksgiving ever
thanksgiving ever
so<00:05:36.800> let's<00:05:36.960> take<00:05:37.280> one<00:05:37.600> problem<00:05:37.919> that<00:05:38.080> families
so let's take one problem that families
so let's take one problem that families
face<00:05:39.120> crazy<00:05:39.520> mornings<00:05:40.000> and<00:05:40.160> talk<00:05:40.320> about<00:05:40.479> how
face crazy mornings and talk about how
face crazy mornings and talk about how
agile<00:05:40.960> can<00:05:41.120> help
agile can help
agile can help
a<00:05:42.479> key<00:05:42.720> plank<00:05:43.039> is<00:05:43.199> accountability<00:05:43.919> so<00:05:44.080> teams
a key plank is accountability so teams
a key plank is accountability so teams
use<00:05:44.720> information<00:05:45.280> radiators<00:05:45.759> these<00:05:46.080> large
use information radiators these large
use information radiators these large
boards<00:05:47.039> in<00:05:47.120> which<00:05:47.360> everybody<00:05:47.759> is<00:05:47.919> accountable
boards in which everybody is accountable
boards in which everybody is accountable
so<00:05:49.520> the<00:05:49.680> stars<00:05:50.160> in<00:05:50.240> adapting<00:05:50.720> this<00:05:50.880> to<00:05:51.039> their
so the stars in adapting this to their
so the stars in adapting this to their
home<00:05:51.440> created<00:05:51.840> a<00:05:52.000> morning<00:05:52.400> checklist<00:05:53.039> in
home created a morning checklist in
home created a morning checklist in
which<00:05:53.440> each<00:05:53.680> child<00:05:54.000> is<00:05:54.160> expected<00:05:54.560> to<00:05:54.720> tick<00:05:54.960> off
which each child is expected to tick off
which each child is expected to tick off
chores
chores
chores
so<00:05:56.800> in<00:05:56.880> the<00:05:56.960> morning<00:05:57.280> i<00:05:57.440> visited<00:05:57.759> eleanor<00:05:58.160> came
so in the morning i visited eleanor came
so in the morning i visited eleanor came
downstairs<00:05:58.880> bought<00:05:59.039> herself<00:05:59.280> a<00:05:59.360> cup<00:05:59.520> of
downstairs bought herself a cup of
downstairs bought herself a cup of
coffee<00:06:00.240> sat<00:06:00.479> in<00:06:00.560> a<00:06:00.639> reclining<00:06:01.199> chair<00:06:01.919> and<00:06:02.000> she
coffee sat in a reclining chair and she
coffee sat in a reclining chair and she
sat<00:06:02.479> there<00:06:02.960> genuinely<00:06:03.680> kind<00:06:03.840> of<00:06:04.160> amiably
sat there genuinely kind of amiably
sat there genuinely kind of amiably
talking<00:06:04.960> to<00:06:05.120> each<00:06:05.280> of<00:06:05.440> our<00:06:05.520> children<00:06:06.080> as<00:06:06.400> one
talking to each of our children as one
talking to each of our children as one
after<00:06:06.800> the<00:06:06.960> other<00:06:07.120> they<00:06:07.199> came<00:06:07.440> downstairs
after the other they came downstairs
after the other they came downstairs
checked<00:06:08.560> the<00:06:08.639> list<00:06:09.360> made<00:06:09.600> themselves
checked the list made themselves
checked the list made themselves
breakfast<00:06:10.880> checked<00:06:11.120> the<00:06:11.199> list<00:06:11.440> again<00:06:11.919> put<00:06:12.160> the
breakfast checked the list again put the
breakfast checked the list again put the
dishes<00:06:12.560> in<00:06:12.639> the<00:06:12.720> dishwasher<00:06:13.680> rechecked<00:06:14.160> the
dishes in the dishwasher rechecked the
dishes in the dishwasher rechecked the
list<00:06:14.800> fed<00:06:15.039> the<00:06:15.199> pets<00:06:15.440> or<00:06:15.520> whatever<00:06:15.840> chores
list fed the pets or whatever chores
list fed the pets or whatever chores
they<00:06:16.319> had<00:06:16.800> checked<00:06:17.039> the<00:06:17.120> list<00:06:17.360> once<00:06:17.600> more
they had checked the list once more
they had checked the list once more
gathered<00:06:18.400> their<00:06:18.560> belongings<00:06:19.199> and<00:06:19.280> made<00:06:19.520> their
gathered their belongings and made their
gathered their belongings and made their
way<00:06:19.759> to<00:06:20.000> the<00:06:20.080> bus
way to the bus
way to the bus
it<00:06:21.520> was<00:06:21.680> one<00:06:21.759> of<00:06:21.840> the<00:06:21.919> most<00:06:22.160> astonishing
it was one of the most astonishing
it was one of the most astonishing
family<00:06:23.440> dynamics<00:06:23.919> i<00:06:24.080> have<00:06:24.240> ever<00:06:24.560> seen
family dynamics i have ever seen
family dynamics i have ever seen
and<00:06:25.759> when<00:06:26.000> i<00:06:26.240> strenuously<00:06:27.039> objected<00:06:27.440> this
and when i strenuously objected this
and when i strenuously objected this
would<00:06:27.840> never<00:06:28.080> work<00:06:28.319> in<00:06:28.479> our<00:06:28.560> house<00:06:28.800> our<00:06:28.960> kids
would never work in our house our kids
would never work in our house our kids
needed<00:06:29.600> way<00:06:29.759> too<00:06:29.919> much<00:06:30.160> monitoring<00:06:30.960> eleanor
needed way too much monitoring eleanor
needed way too much monitoring eleanor
looked<00:06:31.600> at<00:06:31.680> me<00:06:32.240> that's<00:06:32.479> what<00:06:32.639> i<00:06:32.720> thought<00:06:32.960> she
looked at me that's what i thought she
looked at me that's what i thought she
said<00:06:33.600> i<00:06:33.759> told<00:06:34.000> david<00:06:34.319> keep<00:06:34.479> your<00:06:34.639> work<00:06:34.880> out<00:06:35.039> of
said i told david keep your work out of
said i told david keep your work out of
my<00:06:35.280> kitchen<00:06:36.000> but<00:06:36.160> i<00:06:36.240> was<00:06:36.479> wrong
my kitchen but i was wrong
my kitchen but i was wrong
so<00:06:37.680> i<00:06:37.759> turned<00:06:38.000> to<00:06:38.080> david<00:06:38.319> so<00:06:38.479> why<00:06:38.720> does<00:06:38.880> it<00:06:38.960> work
so i turned to david so why does it work
so i turned to david so why does it work
he<00:06:39.759> said<00:06:40.000> you<00:06:40.160> can't<00:06:40.479> underestimate<00:06:40.960> the
he said you can't underestimate the
he said you can't underestimate the
power<00:06:41.360> of<00:06:41.520> doing<00:06:41.759> this
power of doing this
power of doing this
and<00:06:42.880> he<00:06:42.960> made<00:06:43.199> a<00:06:43.280> check<00:06:43.520> mark<00:06:44.000> he<00:06:44.160> said<00:06:44.400> in<00:06:44.479> the
and he made a check mark he said in the
and he made a check mark he said in the
workplace<00:06:45.199> adults<00:06:45.600> love<00:06:45.840> it<00:06:46.000> with<00:06:46.160> kids<00:06:46.720> it's
workplace adults love it with kids it's
workplace adults love it with kids it's
heaven
heaven
heaven
the<00:06:48.560> week<00:06:48.800> we<00:06:48.960> introduced<00:06:49.600> a<00:06:49.759> morning
the week we introduced a morning
the week we introduced a morning
checklist<00:06:50.560> into<00:06:50.880> our<00:06:51.039> house<00:06:51.600> it<00:06:51.840> cut<00:06:52.080> parental
checklist into our house it cut parental
checklist into our house it cut parental
screaming<00:06:53.120> in<00:06:53.360> half
but<00:06:56.080> the<00:06:56.240> real<00:06:56.479> change<00:06:56.800> didn't<00:06:56.960> come<00:06:57.199> till<00:06:57.360> we
but the real change didn't come till we
but the real change didn't come till we
had<00:06:57.759> these<00:06:58.000> family<00:06:58.319> meetings<00:06:58.720> so<00:06:59.039> following
had these family meetings so following
had these family meetings so following
the<00:06:59.520> agile<00:07:00.160> model<00:07:00.479> we<00:07:00.720> asked<00:07:00.960> three<00:07:01.280> questions
the agile model we asked three questions
the agile model we asked three questions
what<00:07:02.240> worked<00:07:02.639> well<00:07:02.880> in<00:07:02.960> our<00:07:03.039> family<00:07:03.360> this<00:07:03.520> week
what worked well in our family this week
what worked well in our family this week
what<00:07:04.400> didn't<00:07:04.800> work<00:07:05.039> well<00:07:05.360> and<00:07:05.440> what<00:07:05.759> we<00:07:05.840> agreed
what didn't work well and what we agreed
what didn't work well and what we agreed
to<00:07:06.319> work<00:07:06.639> on<00:07:06.800> in<00:07:06.960> the<00:07:07.039> week<00:07:07.280> ahead
to work on in the week ahead
to work on in the week ahead
everyone<00:07:08.639> throws<00:07:08.880> out<00:07:09.039> suggestions<00:07:09.599> and<00:07:09.680> then
everyone throws out suggestions and then
everyone throws out suggestions and then
we<00:07:10.000> pick<00:07:10.240> two<00:07:10.560> to<00:07:10.720> focus<00:07:11.120> on
we pick two to focus on
we pick two to focus on
and<00:07:12.960> suddenly<00:07:13.280> the<00:07:13.360> most<00:07:13.759> amazing<00:07:14.400> thing
and suddenly the most amazing thing
and suddenly the most amazing thing
started<00:07:14.880> coming<00:07:15.120> out<00:07:15.199> of<00:07:15.360> our<00:07:15.440> daughter's
started coming out of our daughter's
started coming out of our daughter's
mouths<00:07:16.560> what<00:07:16.800> worked<00:07:17.039> well<00:07:17.280> this<00:07:17.440> week
mouths what worked well this week
mouths what worked well this week
getting<00:07:18.560> over<00:07:18.720> our<00:07:18.880> fear<00:07:19.120> of<00:07:19.199> riding<00:07:19.520> bikes
getting over our fear of riding bikes
getting over our fear of riding bikes
making<00:07:20.560> our<00:07:20.720> beds
making our beds
making our beds
what<00:07:21.840> didn't<00:07:22.160> work<00:07:22.400> well
what didn't work well
what didn't work well
are<00:07:23.360> math<00:07:23.680> sheets<00:07:24.400> or
are math sheets or
are math sheets or
greeting<00:07:25.919> visitors<00:07:26.400> at<00:07:26.479> the<00:07:26.639> door
greeting visitors at the door
greeting visitors at the door
like<00:07:27.759> a<00:07:27.840> lot<00:07:28.000> of<00:07:28.080> parents<00:07:28.560> are<00:07:28.720> we<00:07:29.039> our<00:07:29.199> kids
like a lot of parents are we our kids
like a lot of parents are we our kids
are<00:07:29.520> something<00:07:29.759> like<00:07:30.000> bermuda<00:07:30.479> triangles
are something like bermuda triangles
are something like bermuda triangles
like<00:07:31.120> thoughts<00:07:31.360> and<00:07:31.520> ideas<00:07:31.840> go<00:07:32.080> in<00:07:32.160> but<00:07:32.400> none
like thoughts and ideas go in but none
like thoughts and ideas go in but none
ever<00:07:32.800> comes<00:07:33.039> out<00:07:33.199> i<00:07:33.280> mean<00:07:33.440> at<00:07:33.520> least<00:07:33.680> not<00:07:33.840> that
ever comes out i mean at least not that
ever comes out i mean at least not that
are<00:07:34.080> revealing<00:07:34.800> this<00:07:35.039> gave<00:07:35.280> us<00:07:35.520> access
are revealing this gave us access
are revealing this gave us access
suddenly<00:07:36.160> to<00:07:36.319> their<00:07:36.560> innermost<00:07:37.120> thoughts
suddenly to their innermost thoughts
suddenly to their innermost thoughts
but<00:07:38.720> the<00:07:38.880> most<00:07:39.120> surprising<00:07:39.599> part<00:07:39.759> was<00:07:39.919> when<00:07:40.080> we
but the most surprising part was when we
but the most surprising part was when we
turned<00:07:40.319> to<00:07:40.479> what<00:07:40.560> are<00:07:40.639> we<00:07:40.720> going<00:07:40.800> to<00:07:40.880> work<00:07:41.120> on
turned to what are we going to work on
turned to what are we going to work on
the<00:07:41.599> week<00:07:41.840> ahead
the week ahead
the week ahead
you<00:07:43.280> know<00:07:43.440> the<00:07:43.759> key<00:07:44.000> idea<00:07:44.240> of<00:07:44.400> agile<00:07:44.720> is<00:07:44.800> that
you know the key idea of agile is that
you know the key idea of agile is that
teams<00:07:45.520> essentially<00:07:46.080> manage<00:07:46.479> themselves<00:07:46.960> and
teams essentially manage themselves and
teams essentially manage themselves and
we<00:07:47.360> it<00:07:47.520> works<00:07:47.840> in<00:07:47.919> software<00:07:48.319> and<00:07:48.400> it<00:07:48.479> turns<00:07:48.800> out
we it works in software and it turns out
we it works in software and it turns out
that<00:07:49.039> it<00:07:49.120> works<00:07:49.360> with<00:07:49.599> kids<00:07:50.319> our<00:07:50.560> kids<00:07:50.960> love
that it works with kids our kids love
that it works with kids our kids love
this<00:07:51.440> process<00:07:52.160> so<00:07:52.319> they<00:07:52.479> would<00:07:52.639> come<00:07:52.800> up<00:07:52.960> with
this process so they would come up with
this process so they would come up with
all<00:07:53.199> these<00:07:53.440> ideas<00:07:54.160> you<00:07:54.240> know<00:07:54.400> greet<00:07:54.720> five
all these ideas you know greet five
all these ideas you know greet five
visitors<00:07:55.280> at<00:07:55.360> the<00:07:55.440> door<00:07:55.680> this<00:07:55.840> week<00:07:56.080> get<00:07:56.240> an
visitors at the door this week get an
visitors at the door this week get an
extra<00:07:56.639> 10<00:07:56.800> minutes<00:07:57.120> of<00:07:57.440> reading<00:07:57.759> before<00:07:58.160> bed
extra 10 minutes of reading before bed
extra 10 minutes of reading before bed
kick<00:07:59.120> someone<00:07:59.919> lose<00:08:00.160> desserts<00:08:00.560> for<00:08:00.720> a<00:08:00.879> month
kick someone lose desserts for a month
kick someone lose desserts for a month
it<00:08:01.919> it<00:08:02.080> turns<00:08:02.319> out<00:08:02.400> by<00:08:02.560> the<00:08:02.560> way<00:08:02.720> our<00:08:02.800> girls<00:08:03.039> are
it it turns out by the way our girls are
it it turns out by the way our girls are
little<00:08:03.360> stalin's<00:08:03.840> we<00:08:04.240> constantly<00:08:04.560> have<00:08:04.639> to
little stalin's we constantly have to
little stalin's we constantly have to
kind<00:08:04.879> of<00:08:04.960> dial<00:08:05.199> them<00:08:05.360> back
kind of dial them back
kind of dial them back
now<00:08:07.120> look<00:08:07.360> naturally<00:08:07.759> there's<00:08:08.000> a<00:08:08.080> gap<00:08:08.400> between
now look naturally there's a gap between
now look naturally there's a gap between
their<00:08:09.120> kind<00:08:09.280> of<00:08:09.440> conduct<00:08:09.919> in<00:08:10.000> these<00:08:10.160> meetings
their kind of conduct in these meetings
their kind of conduct in these meetings
and<00:08:10.560> their<00:08:10.960> behavior<00:08:11.360> the<00:08:11.440> rest<00:08:11.599> of<00:08:11.680> the<00:08:11.759> week
and their behavior the rest of the week
and their behavior the rest of the week
but<00:08:12.479> the<00:08:12.560> truth<00:08:12.879> is<00:08:12.960> it<00:08:13.039> didn't<00:08:13.280> really<00:08:13.599> bother
but the truth is it didn't really bother
but the truth is it didn't really bother
us<00:08:14.080> it<00:08:14.160> felt<00:08:14.319> like<00:08:14.479> we<00:08:14.560> were<00:08:14.960> kind<00:08:15.120> of<00:08:15.280> laying
us it felt like we were kind of laying
us it felt like we were kind of laying
these<00:08:15.840> underground<00:08:16.319> cables<00:08:16.720> that<00:08:16.879> wouldn't
these underground cables that wouldn't
these underground cables that wouldn't
light<00:08:17.360> up<00:08:17.440> their<00:08:17.599> world<00:08:18.080> for<00:08:18.240> many<00:08:18.479> years<00:08:18.720> to
light up their world for many years to
light up their world for many years to
come
come
come
three<00:08:20.400> years<00:08:20.639> later<00:08:20.960> our<00:08:21.039> girls<00:08:21.360> are<00:08:21.440> almost
three years later our girls are almost
three years later our girls are almost
eight<00:08:22.000> now<00:08:22.479> we're<00:08:22.800> still<00:08:23.120> holding<00:08:23.440> these
eight now we're still holding these
eight now we're still holding these
meetings
meetings
meetings
my<00:08:24.800> wife<00:08:25.039> counts<00:08:25.360> them<00:08:25.520> among<00:08:25.759> her<00:08:25.919> most
my wife counts them among her most
my wife counts them among her most
treasured<00:08:26.560> moments<00:08:27.120> as<00:08:27.280> a<00:08:27.360> mom
treasured moments as a mom
treasured moments as a mom
so<00:08:29.759> what<00:08:29.919> did<00:08:30.080> we<00:08:30.240> learn
so what did we learn
so what did we learn
the<00:08:31.840> word<00:08:32.080> agile<00:08:32.560> entered<00:08:32.800> the<00:08:32.880> lexicon<00:08:33.360> in
the word agile entered the lexicon in
the word agile entered the lexicon in
2001<00:08:34.159> when<00:08:34.399> jeff<00:08:34.640> sutherland<00:08:35.120> a<00:08:35.200> group<00:08:35.440> of
2001 when jeff sutherland a group of
2001 when jeff sutherland a group of
designers<00:08:36.560> met<00:08:36.800> in<00:08:36.880> utah<00:08:37.440> and<00:08:37.599> wrote<00:08:37.839> a
designers met in utah and wrote a
designers met in utah and wrote a
12-point<00:08:38.719> agile<00:08:39.200> manifesto
12-point agile manifesto
12-point agile manifesto
i<00:08:40.800> think<00:08:41.039> the<00:08:41.120> time<00:08:41.360> is<00:08:41.519> right<00:08:41.680> for<00:08:41.839> an<00:08:42.080> agile
i think the time is right for an agile
i think the time is right for an agile
family<00:08:43.039> manifesto
family manifesto
family manifesto
i've<00:08:44.480> taken<00:08:44.800> some<00:08:45.040> ideas<00:08:45.279> from<00:08:45.440> the<00:08:45.519> stars<00:08:45.920> and
i've taken some ideas from the stars and
i've taken some ideas from the stars and
from<00:08:46.160> many<00:08:46.399> other<00:08:46.640> families<00:08:47.040> i<00:08:47.200> met<00:08:47.839> i'm
from many other families i met i'm
from many other families i met i'm
proposing<00:08:48.959> three<00:08:49.279> planks
proposing three planks
proposing three planks
plank<00:08:50.880> number<00:08:51.120> one<00:08:51.760> adapt<00:08:52.480> all<00:08:52.640> the<00:08:52.839> time<00:08:54.080> when
plank number one adapt all the time when
plank number one adapt all the time when
i<00:08:54.399> became<00:08:54.640> a<00:08:54.720> parent<00:08:54.959> i<00:08:55.040> figured<00:08:55.279> you<00:08:55.360> know
i became a parent i figured you know
i became a parent i figured you know
what<00:08:55.760> i'll<00:08:56.080> we'll<00:08:56.320> set<00:08:56.480> a<00:08:56.560> few<00:08:56.720> rules<00:08:57.120> and
what i'll we'll set a few rules and
what i'll we'll set a few rules and
we'll<00:08:57.440> stick<00:08:57.680> to<00:08:57.839> them
we'll stick to them
we'll stick to them
that<00:08:58.880> assumes<00:08:59.360> as<00:08:59.519> parents<00:08:59.920> we<00:09:00.000> can
that assumes as parents we can
that assumes as parents we can
anticipate<00:09:00.800> every<00:09:01.040> problem<00:09:01.279> that's<00:09:01.440> going<00:09:01.519> to
anticipate every problem that's going to
anticipate every problem that's going to
arise
arise
arise
we<00:09:02.880> can't
we can't
we can't
what's<00:09:04.320> great<00:09:04.640> about<00:09:05.040> the<00:09:05.200> agile<00:09:05.519> system<00:09:05.920> is
what's great about the agile system is
what's great about the agile system is
you<00:09:06.320> build<00:09:06.640> in<00:09:06.800> a<00:09:06.880> system<00:09:07.200> of<00:09:07.360> change<00:09:07.680> so<00:09:07.839> that
you build in a system of change so that
you build in a system of change so that
you<00:09:08.000> can<00:09:08.160> react<00:09:08.399> to<00:09:08.560> what's<00:09:08.800> happening<00:09:09.120> to<00:09:09.200> you
you can react to what's happening to you
you can react to what's happening to you
in<00:09:09.519> real<00:09:09.839> time
in real time
in real time
it's<00:09:10.880> like<00:09:11.040> they<00:09:11.120> say<00:09:11.360> in<00:09:11.440> the<00:09:11.519> internet<00:09:11.920> world
it's like they say in the internet world
it's like they say in the internet world
if<00:09:12.399> you're<00:09:12.560> doing<00:09:12.720> the<00:09:12.800> same<00:09:13.040> thing<00:09:13.200> today<00:09:13.600> you
if you're doing the same thing today you
if you're doing the same thing today you
were<00:09:13.920> doing<00:09:14.160> six<00:09:14.399> months<00:09:14.640> ago<00:09:15.040> you're<00:09:15.200> doing
were doing six months ago you're doing
were doing six months ago you're doing
the<00:09:15.600> wrong<00:09:15.920> thing
the wrong thing
the wrong thing
parents<00:09:17.120> can<00:09:17.279> learn<00:09:17.440> a<00:09:17.519> lot<00:09:17.760> from<00:09:17.920> that
parents can learn a lot from that
parents can learn a lot from that
but<00:09:19.519> to<00:09:19.680> me<00:09:19.920> adapt<00:09:20.240> all<00:09:20.399> the<00:09:20.480> time<00:09:21.200> means
but to me adapt all the time means
but to me adapt all the time means
something<00:09:21.920> deeper<00:09:22.240> too<00:09:22.800> we<00:09:22.959> have<00:09:23.120> to<00:09:23.360> break
something deeper too we have to break
something deeper too we have to break
parents<00:09:24.240> out<00:09:24.320> of<00:09:24.399> this<00:09:24.640> straight<00:09:24.959> jacket<00:09:25.200> that
parents out of this straight jacket that
parents out of this straight jacket that
the<00:09:25.600> only<00:09:26.000> ideas<00:09:26.480> we<00:09:26.640> can<00:09:26.800> try<00:09:27.120> at<00:09:27.200> home<00:09:27.680> are
the only ideas we can try at home are
the only ideas we can try at home are
ones<00:09:28.160> that<00:09:28.320> come<00:09:28.640> from
ones that come from
ones that come from
shrinks<00:09:30.000> or<00:09:30.240> self-help<00:09:30.720> gurus<00:09:31.120> or<00:09:31.279> other
shrinks or self-help gurus or other
shrinks or self-help gurus or other
family<00:09:32.080> experts
family experts
family experts
the<00:09:33.360> truth<00:09:33.680> is<00:09:34.000> their<00:09:34.240> ideas<00:09:34.560> are<00:09:34.720> stale
the truth is their ideas are stale
the truth is their ideas are stale
whereas<00:09:36.000> in<00:09:36.160> all<00:09:36.320> these<00:09:36.560> other<00:09:36.720> worlds<00:09:37.040> are
whereas in all these other worlds are
whereas in all these other worlds are
these<00:09:37.360> new<00:09:37.600> ideas<00:09:37.920> to<00:09:38.080> make<00:09:38.320> groups<00:09:38.720> and<00:09:38.959> teams
these new ideas to make groups and teams
these new ideas to make groups and teams
work<00:09:39.760> effectively
work effectively
work effectively
let's<00:09:41.279> just<00:09:41.440> take<00:09:41.600> a<00:09:41.680> few<00:09:41.839> examples<00:09:42.240> let's
let's just take a few examples let's
let's just take a few examples let's
take<00:09:42.560> the<00:09:42.720> biggest<00:09:43.279> issue<00:09:43.600> of<00:09:43.760> all<00:09:44.240> family
take the biggest issue of all family
take the biggest issue of all family
dinner
dinner
dinner
everybody<00:09:46.080> knows<00:09:46.320> that<00:09:46.480> having<00:09:46.800> family
everybody knows that having family
everybody knows that having family
dinner<00:09:47.600> with<00:09:47.760> your<00:09:48.000> children<00:09:48.480> is<00:09:48.640> good<00:09:48.880> for
dinner with your children is good for
dinner with your children is good for
the<00:09:49.120> kids<00:09:49.839> but<00:09:50.080> for<00:09:50.240> so<00:09:50.399> many<00:09:50.640> of<00:09:50.720> us<00:09:50.880> it
the kids but for so many of us it
the kids but for so many of us it
doesn't<00:09:51.200> work<00:09:51.519> in<00:09:51.680> our<00:09:51.920> lives
doesn't work in our lives
doesn't work in our lives
i<00:09:53.040> met<00:09:53.200> a<00:09:53.279> celebrity<00:09:53.760> chef<00:09:54.000> in<00:09:54.080> new<00:09:54.320> orleans
i met a celebrity chef in new orleans
i met a celebrity chef in new orleans
who<00:09:54.720> said<00:09:55.120> no<00:09:55.360> problem<00:09:55.680> i'll<00:09:55.920> just<00:09:56.320> time<00:09:56.640> shift
who said no problem i'll just time shift
who said no problem i'll just time shift
family<00:09:57.200> dinner<00:09:57.680> i'm<00:09:57.920> not<00:09:58.160> home<00:09:58.560> can't<00:09:58.800> make
family dinner i'm not home can't make
family dinner i'm not home can't make
family<00:09:59.279> dinner<00:09:59.600> we'll<00:09:59.760> have<00:10:00.080> family
family dinner we'll have family
family dinner we'll have family
breakfast<00:10:01.120> we'll<00:10:01.279> meet<00:10:01.440> for<00:10:01.600> a<00:10:01.680> bedtime<00:10:02.160> snack
breakfast we'll meet for a bedtime snack
breakfast we'll meet for a bedtime snack
we'll<00:10:02.880> make<00:10:03.360> sunday<00:10:03.760> meals<00:10:04.160> more<00:10:04.320> important
we'll make sunday meals more important
we'll make sunday meals more important
and<00:10:06.000> the<00:10:06.080> truth<00:10:06.399> is<00:10:06.640> recent<00:10:07.040> research<00:10:07.519> backs
and the truth is recent research backs
and the truth is recent research backs
him<00:10:08.080> up
him up
him up
it<00:10:09.360> turns<00:10:09.680> out<00:10:09.760> there's<00:10:10.000> only<00:10:10.320> 10<00:10:10.640> minutes<00:10:11.040> of
it turns out there's only 10 minutes of
it turns out there's only 10 minutes of
productive<00:10:11.680> time<00:10:12.160> in<00:10:12.320> any<00:10:12.640> family<00:10:13.040> meal<00:10:13.760> the
productive time in any family meal the
productive time in any family meal the
rest<00:10:14.079> of<00:10:14.240> us<00:10:14.399> taken<00:10:14.720> up<00:10:14.800> with<00:10:15.040> take<00:10:15.279> your
rest of us taken up with take your
rest of us taken up with take your
elbows<00:10:15.680> off<00:10:15.839> the<00:10:15.920> table<00:10:16.160> and<00:10:16.320> pass<00:10:16.560> the
elbows off the table and pass the
elbows off the table and pass the
ketchup
ketchup
ketchup
you<00:10:17.920> can<00:10:18.160> take<00:10:18.480> that<00:10:18.720> 10<00:10:18.880> minutes<00:10:19.200> and<00:10:19.360> move<00:10:19.600> it
you can take that 10 minutes and move it
you can take that 10 minutes and move it
to<00:10:19.839> any<00:10:20.079> part<00:10:20.320> of<00:10:20.399> the<00:10:20.560> day<00:10:20.959> and<00:10:21.120> have<00:10:21.360> the<00:10:21.519> same
to any part of the day and have the same
to any part of the day and have the same
benefit
benefit
benefit
so<00:10:23.279> time<00:10:23.519> shift<00:10:23.760> family<00:10:24.079> dinner<00:10:24.560> that's
so time shift family dinner that's
so time shift family dinner that's
adaptability
adaptability
adaptability
an<00:10:26.399> environmental<00:10:26.959> psychologist<00:10:27.760> told<00:10:27.920> me<00:10:28.079> if
an environmental psychologist told me if
an environmental psychologist told me if
you're<00:10:28.560> sitting<00:10:29.040> in<00:10:29.200> a<00:10:29.440> on<00:10:29.839> a<00:10:29.920> hard<00:10:30.240> chair<00:10:30.560> on<00:10:30.640> a
you're sitting in a on a hard chair on a
you're sitting in a on a hard chair on a
rigid<00:10:31.120> surface<00:10:31.760> you'll<00:10:32.000> be<00:10:32.160> more<00:10:32.399> rigid<00:10:33.120> if
rigid surface you'll be more rigid if
rigid surface you'll be more rigid if
you're<00:10:33.360> sitting<00:10:33.600> on<00:10:33.760> a<00:10:33.839> cushion<00:10:34.240> chair<00:10:34.720> you'll
you're sitting on a cushion chair you'll
you're sitting on a cushion chair you'll
be<00:10:35.200> more<00:10:35.760> open
be more open
be more open
she<00:10:36.880> told<00:10:37.040> me<00:10:37.120> when<00:10:37.279> you're<00:10:37.440> disciplining
she told me when you're disciplining
she told me when you're disciplining
your<00:10:38.160> children<00:10:38.480> sit<00:10:38.640> in<00:10:38.800> an<00:10:38.959> upright<00:10:39.360> chair
your children sit in an upright chair
your children sit in an upright chair
with<00:10:39.920> a<00:10:40.000> cushioned<00:10:40.399> surface<00:10:40.880> the
with a cushioned surface the
with a cushioned surface the
conversation<00:10:41.600> will<00:10:41.760> go<00:10:42.000> better
conversation will go better
conversation will go better
my<00:10:43.519> wife<00:10:43.760> and<00:10:43.920> i<00:10:44.240> actually<00:10:44.640> moved<00:10:45.040> where<00:10:45.279> we
my wife and i actually moved where we
my wife and i actually moved where we
sit<00:10:45.760> for<00:10:45.920> difficult<00:10:46.240> conversations<00:10:46.959> because
sit for difficult conversations because
sit for difficult conversations because
i<00:10:47.279> was<00:10:47.440> sitting<00:10:47.680> above<00:10:48.000> in<00:10:48.079> the<00:10:48.240> power
i was sitting above in the power
i was sitting above in the power
position
position
position
so<00:10:50.079> move<00:10:50.320> where<00:10:50.480> you<00:10:50.720> sit<00:10:51.200> that's
so move where you sit that's
so move where you sit that's
adaptability
adaptability
adaptability
the<00:10:53.760> point<00:10:54.079> is<00:10:54.160> there<00:10:54.320> are<00:10:54.560> all<00:10:54.720> these<00:10:54.959> new
the point is there are all these new
the point is there are all these new
ideas<00:10:55.760> out<00:10:55.920> there<00:10:56.240> we've<00:10:56.399> got<00:10:56.560> to<00:10:56.720> hook<00:10:56.959> them
ideas out there we've got to hook them
ideas out there we've got to hook them
up<00:10:57.440> with<00:10:57.680> parents
up with parents
up with parents
so<00:10:58.880> plank<00:10:59.120> number<00:10:59.360> one<00:10:59.839> adapt<00:11:00.240> all<00:11:00.399> the<00:11:00.480> time
so plank number one adapt all the time
so plank number one adapt all the time
be<00:11:01.440> flexible<00:11:02.320> be<00:11:02.560> open-minded<00:11:03.519> let<00:11:03.680> the<00:11:03.760> best
be flexible be open-minded let the best
be flexible be open-minded let the best
ideas<00:11:04.560> win
ideas win
ideas win
plank<00:11:06.320> number<00:11:06.560> two
plank number two
plank number two
empower<00:11:08.000> your<00:11:08.240> children
empower your children
empower your children
our<00:11:10.160> instinct<00:11:10.560> as<00:11:10.640> parents<00:11:10.959> is<00:11:11.120> to<00:11:11.279> order<00:11:11.519> our
our instinct as parents is to order our
our instinct as parents is to order our
kids<00:11:11.920> around<00:11:12.480> it's<00:11:12.720> easier<00:11:13.040> and<00:11:13.120> frankly
kids around it's easier and frankly
kids around it's easier and frankly
we're<00:11:13.600> usually<00:11:14.000> right
we're usually right
we're usually right
there's<00:11:15.519> a<00:11:15.600> reason<00:11:15.839> that<00:11:16.079> few<00:11:16.240> systems<00:11:16.640> have
there's a reason that few systems have
there's a reason that few systems have
been<00:11:17.040> more<00:11:17.360> waterfall<00:11:17.920> over<00:11:18.160> time<00:11:18.480> than<00:11:18.640> the
been more waterfall over time than the
been more waterfall over time than the
family
family
family
but<00:11:20.320> the<00:11:20.480> single<00:11:20.880> biggest<00:11:21.200> lesson<00:11:21.440> we<00:11:21.680> learned
but the single biggest lesson we learned
but the single biggest lesson we learned
is<00:11:22.240> to<00:11:22.560> reverse<00:11:22.959> the<00:11:23.120> waterfall<00:11:23.680> as<00:11:23.839> much<00:11:24.000> as
is to reverse the waterfall as much as
is to reverse the waterfall as much as
possible<00:11:24.959> enlist<00:11:25.519> the<00:11:25.680> children<00:11:26.320> in<00:11:26.480> their
possible enlist the children in their
possible enlist the children in their
own<00:11:27.440> upbringing
own upbringing
own upbringing
just<00:11:29.279> yesterday<00:11:29.680> we<00:11:29.760> were<00:11:29.920> having<00:11:30.160> our<00:11:30.240> family
just yesterday we were having our family
just yesterday we were having our family
meeting<00:11:30.880> and<00:11:30.959> we<00:11:31.120> had<00:11:31.279> voted<00:11:31.600> to<00:11:31.680> work<00:11:31.920> on
meeting and we had voted to work on
meeting and we had voted to work on
overreacting<00:11:33.600> so<00:11:33.760> we<00:11:33.839> said<00:11:34.079> okay<00:11:34.320> give<00:11:34.480> us<00:11:34.640> a
overreacting so we said okay give us a
overreacting so we said okay give us a
reward<00:11:35.200> and<00:11:35.360> give<00:11:35.519> us<00:11:35.680> a<00:11:35.760> punishment<00:11:36.240> okay<00:11:36.880> so
reward and give us a punishment okay so
reward and give us a punishment okay so
one<00:11:37.200> of<00:11:37.360> my<00:11:37.440> daughters<00:11:37.760> threw<00:11:38.000> out<00:11:38.240> you<00:11:38.399> have
one of my daughters threw out you have
one of my daughters threw out you have
you<00:11:38.880> got<00:11:39.120> five<00:11:39.360> minutes<00:11:39.680> of<00:11:39.839> overreacting
you got five minutes of overreacting
you got five minutes of overreacting
time<00:11:40.959> all<00:11:41.120> week<00:11:41.680> so<00:11:41.920> we<00:11:42.079> kind<00:11:42.240> of<00:11:42.320> liked<00:11:42.480> that
time all week so we kind of liked that
time all week so we kind of liked that
but<00:11:43.200> then<00:11:43.360> her<00:11:43.519> sister<00:11:43.839> started<00:11:44.079> working<00:11:44.320> the
but then her sister started working the
but then her sister started working the
system<00:11:44.720> she<00:11:44.880> said<00:11:45.440> do<00:11:45.680> i<00:11:45.760> get<00:11:46.160> one<00:11:46.720> five<00:11:46.959> minute
system she said do i get one five minute
system she said do i get one five minute
overreaction<00:11:47.839> or<00:11:48.000> can<00:11:48.160> i<00:11:48.240> get<00:11:48.560> 10<00:11:49.120> 30<00:11:49.440> second
overreaction or can i get 10 30 second
overreaction or can i get 10 30 second
overreactions
overreactions
overreactions
i<00:11:51.760> love<00:11:51.920> that<00:11:52.079> spend<00:11:52.399> the<00:11:52.480> time<00:11:52.720> however<00:11:53.040> you
i love that spend the time however you
i love that spend the time however you
want<00:11:53.680> now<00:11:53.839> give<00:11:54.000> us<00:11:54.160> a<00:11:54.240> put<00:11:54.399> now<00:11:54.640> give<00:11:54.720> us<00:11:54.880> a
want now give us a put now give us a
want now give us a put now give us a
punishment<00:11:55.519> okay<00:11:56.000> if<00:11:56.160> we<00:11:56.320> get<00:11:56.720> 15<00:11:57.279> minutes
punishment okay if we get 15 minutes
punishment okay if we get 15 minutes
of<00:11:58.560> overreaction<00:11:59.360> time<00:12:00.079> that's<00:12:00.320> the<00:12:00.480> limit
of overreaction time that's the limit
of overreaction time that's the limit
every<00:12:01.279> minute<00:12:01.600> above<00:12:01.839> that<00:12:02.079> we<00:12:02.240> have<00:12:02.320> to<00:12:02.399> do
every minute above that we have to do
every minute above that we have to do
one<00:12:02.880> push-up
one push-up
one push-up
so<00:12:04.720> you<00:12:04.880> see<00:12:05.040> this<00:12:05.519> this<00:12:05.760> is<00:12:05.839> working<00:12:06.079> now<00:12:06.240> look
so you see this this is working now look
so you see this this is working now look
this<00:12:06.639> system<00:12:06.959> isn't<00:12:07.279> lacks<00:12:07.839> there's<00:12:08.160> plenty
this system isn't lacks there's plenty
this system isn't lacks there's plenty
of<00:12:09.040> parental<00:12:09.519> authority<00:12:09.920> going<00:12:10.160> on<00:12:10.480> but<00:12:10.639> we're
of parental authority going on but we're
of parental authority going on but we're
giving<00:12:11.200> them<00:12:11.440> practice<00:12:12.160> becoming
giving them practice becoming
giving them practice becoming
independent<00:12:13.200> which<00:12:13.519> of<00:12:13.600> course<00:12:13.920> is<00:12:14.079> our
independent which of course is our
independent which of course is our
ultimate<00:12:14.720> goal
ultimate goal
ultimate goal
and<00:12:15.760> just<00:12:15.920> as<00:12:16.160> i<00:12:16.240> was<00:12:16.399> leaving<00:12:16.800> to<00:12:16.959> come<00:12:17.120> here
and just as i was leaving to come here
and just as i was leaving to come here
tonight<00:12:18.079> one<00:12:18.320> of<00:12:18.399> my<00:12:18.560> daughters<00:12:18.880> started
tonight one of my daughters started
tonight one of my daughters started
screaming<00:12:19.760> the<00:12:19.920> other<00:12:20.079> one<00:12:20.320> said
screaming the other one said
screaming the other one said
overreaction<00:12:21.360> of<00:12:21.440> reaction
overreaction of reaction
overreaction of reaction
and<00:12:22.880> started<00:12:23.360> counting<00:12:23.760> and<00:12:23.920> within<00:12:24.160> 10
and started counting and within 10
and started counting and within 10
seconds<00:12:24.720> it<00:12:24.880> had<00:12:25.120> ended<00:12:25.360> to<00:12:25.519> me<00:12:25.600> that<00:12:25.760> is<00:12:25.920> a
seconds it had ended to me that is a
seconds it had ended to me that is a
certified<00:12:27.279> agile<00:12:28.000> miracle
so<00:12:31.839> the<00:12:32.079> point<00:12:32.399> is<00:12:32.639> and<00:12:32.880> by<00:12:33.040> the<00:12:33.120> way<00:12:33.680> research
so the point is and by the way research
so the point is and by the way research
backs<00:12:34.560> this<00:12:34.800> up<00:12:35.040> too
backs this up too
backs this up too
children<00:12:36.160> who<00:12:36.800> plan<00:12:37.200> their<00:12:37.360> own<00:12:37.600> goals<00:12:38.079> set
children who plan their own goals set
children who plan their own goals set
weekly<00:12:38.800> schedules<00:12:39.440> evaluate<00:12:40.320> their<00:12:40.560> own<00:12:40.800> work
weekly schedules evaluate their own work
weekly schedules evaluate their own work
build<00:12:41.839> up<00:12:42.079> their<00:12:42.399> frontal<00:12:42.880> cortex<00:12:43.680> and<00:12:43.839> become
build up their frontal cortex and become
build up their frontal cortex and become
take<00:12:45.200> more<00:12:45.440> control<00:12:46.000> over<00:12:46.240> their<00:12:46.480> lives
take more control over their lives
take more control over their lives
the<00:12:47.839> point<00:12:48.079> is<00:12:48.240> we<00:12:48.399> have<00:12:48.480> to<00:12:48.639> let<00:12:48.800> our<00:12:48.959> children
the point is we have to let our children
the point is we have to let our children
succeed<00:12:49.920> on<00:12:50.000> their<00:12:50.160> own<00:12:50.320> terms<00:12:50.720> and<00:12:50.880> yes<00:12:51.120> on
succeed on their own terms and yes on
succeed on their own terms and yes on
occasion<00:12:52.160> fail<00:12:52.480> on<00:12:52.560> their<00:12:52.800> own<00:12:52.959> terms
occasion fail on their own terms
occasion fail on their own terms
i<00:12:54.079> was<00:12:54.240> talking<00:12:54.480> to<00:12:54.639> warren<00:12:54.880> buffett's<00:12:55.200> banker
i was talking to warren buffett's banker
i was talking to warren buffett's banker
and<00:12:55.600> he<00:12:55.760> was<00:12:55.920> chiding<00:12:56.240> me<00:12:56.399> for<00:12:56.560> not<00:12:56.720> letting<00:12:56.959> my
and he was chiding me for not letting my
and he was chiding me for not letting my
children
children
children
make<00:12:58.480> mistakes<00:12:58.959> with<00:12:59.120> their<00:12:59.440> allowance<00:13:00.320> and<00:13:00.399> i
make mistakes with their allowance and i
make mistakes with their allowance and i
said<00:13:00.639> but<00:13:00.800> what<00:13:00.959> if<00:13:01.040> they<00:13:01.200> drive<00:13:01.360> into<00:13:01.680> a<00:13:01.760> ditch
said but what if they drive into a ditch
said but what if they drive into a ditch
he<00:13:02.560> said<00:13:03.040> it's<00:13:03.200> much<00:13:03.440> better<00:13:03.680> to<00:13:03.839> drive<00:13:04.000> into<00:13:04.240> a
he said it's much better to drive into a
he said it's much better to drive into a
ditch<00:13:04.720> with<00:13:04.880> a<00:13:04.959> six<00:13:05.279> dollar<00:13:05.680> allowance<00:13:06.160> then<00:13:06.399> a
ditch with a six dollar allowance then a
ditch with a six dollar allowance then a
sixty<00:13:06.880> thousand<00:13:07.120> dollar<00:13:07.360> a<00:13:07.440> year<00:13:07.680> salary<00:13:08.079> or<00:13:08.240> a
sixty thousand dollar a year salary or a
sixty thousand dollar a year salary or a
six<00:13:08.639> million<00:13:08.880> dollar<00:13:09.200> inheritance
six million dollar inheritance
six million dollar inheritance
so<00:13:10.880> the<00:13:10.959> bottom<00:13:11.200> line<00:13:11.440> is<00:13:11.839> empower<00:13:12.320> your
so the bottom line is empower your
so the bottom line is empower your
children
children
children
plank<00:13:14.240> number<00:13:14.480> three<00:13:15.200> tell<00:13:15.760> your<00:13:16.399> story
plank number three tell your story
plank number three tell your story
adaptability<00:13:18.880> is<00:13:19.040> fine<00:13:19.600> but<00:13:19.760> we<00:13:19.920> also<00:13:20.240> need
adaptability is fine but we also need
adaptability is fine but we also need
bedrock
bedrock
bedrock
jim<00:13:22.240> collins<00:13:22.639> the<00:13:22.800> author<00:13:23.040> of<00:13:23.120> good<00:13:23.279> to<00:13:23.440> great
jim collins the author of good to great
jim collins the author of good to great
told<00:13:24.000> me<00:13:24.079> that<00:13:24.320> successful<00:13:25.040> human
told me that successful human
told me that successful human
organizations<00:13:26.000> of<00:13:26.160> any<00:13:26.320> kind<00:13:26.720> have<00:13:26.880> two
organizations of any kind have two
organizations of any kind have two
things<00:13:27.279> in<00:13:27.360> common<00:13:28.000> they<00:13:28.240> preserve<00:13:28.639> the<00:13:28.800> core
things in common they preserve the core
things in common they preserve the core
they<00:13:29.760> stimulate<00:13:30.320> progress
they stimulate progress
they stimulate progress
so<00:13:31.519> agile<00:13:31.920> is<00:13:32.079> great<00:13:32.240> for<00:13:32.399> stimulating
so agile is great for stimulating
so agile is great for stimulating
progress<00:13:33.680> but<00:13:34.079> i<00:13:34.240> kept<00:13:34.480> hearing<00:13:34.720> time<00:13:34.959> and
progress but i kept hearing time and
progress but i kept hearing time and
again<00:13:35.279> you<00:13:35.440> need<00:13:35.519> to<00:13:35.680> preserve<00:13:36.000> the<00:13:36.160> core<00:13:36.880> so
again you need to preserve the core so
again you need to preserve the core so
how<00:13:37.200> do<00:13:37.279> you<00:13:37.360> do<00:13:37.519> that
how do you do that
how do you do that
collins<00:13:39.519> coached<00:13:39.839> us<00:13:40.079> on<00:13:40.240> doing<00:13:40.560> something
collins coached us on doing something
collins coached us on doing something
that<00:13:41.760> businesses<00:13:42.240> do<00:13:42.399> which<00:13:42.639> is<00:13:42.800> define<00:13:43.360> your
that businesses do which is define your
that businesses do which is define your
mission<00:13:44.160> and<00:13:44.480> identify<00:13:45.040> your<00:13:45.200> core<00:13:45.519> values<00:13:46.320> so
mission and identify your core values so
mission and identify your core values so
he<00:13:46.720> led<00:13:46.880> us<00:13:46.959> to<00:13:47.200> the<00:13:47.279> process<00:13:47.600> of<00:13:47.760> creating<00:13:48.079> a
he led us to the process of creating a
he led us to the process of creating a
family<00:13:48.639> mission<00:13:48.959> statement
family mission statement
family mission statement
we<00:13:50.160> did<00:13:50.399> the<00:13:50.639> family<00:13:50.880> equivalent<00:13:51.200> of<00:13:51.279> a
we did the family equivalent of a
we did the family equivalent of a
corporate<00:13:51.600> retreat<00:13:51.920> we<00:13:52.079> had<00:13:52.160> a<00:13:52.240> pajama<00:13:52.720> party
corporate retreat we had a pajama party
corporate retreat we had a pajama party
uh
uh
uh
i<00:13:54.399> made<00:13:54.639> popcorn
i made popcorn
i made popcorn
actually<00:13:56.079> i<00:13:56.160> burned<00:13:56.399> one<00:13:56.560> so<00:13:56.720> i<00:13:56.800> made<00:13:57.040> two<00:13:57.760> my
actually i burned one so i made two my
actually i burned one so i made two my
wife<00:13:58.160> bought<00:13:58.320> a<00:13:58.480> flip<00:13:58.720> chart<00:13:58.959> and<00:13:59.040> we<00:13:59.120> had<00:13:59.279> this
wife bought a flip chart and we had this
wife bought a flip chart and we had this
great<00:13:59.680> conversation<00:14:00.240> like<00:14:00.399> what's<00:14:00.639> important
great conversation like what's important
great conversation like what's important
to<00:14:01.120> us<00:14:01.519> what<00:14:01.760> values<00:14:02.240> do<00:14:02.399> we<00:14:02.560> most<00:14:02.880> uphold<00:14:03.600> and
to us what values do we most uphold and
to us what values do we most uphold and
we<00:14:03.839> ended<00:14:04.079> up<00:14:04.160> with<00:14:04.320> 10<00:14:04.560> statements<00:14:05.440> we<00:14:05.600> are
we ended up with 10 statements we are
we ended up with 10 statements we are
travelers<00:14:06.240> not<00:14:06.399> tourists<00:14:07.279> we<00:14:07.760> don't<00:14:08.000> like
travelers not tourists we don't like
travelers not tourists we don't like
dilemmas<00:14:08.880> we<00:14:09.040> like<00:14:09.279> solutions
dilemmas we like solutions
dilemmas we like solutions
again<00:14:11.519> research<00:14:12.000> shows<00:14:12.480> that<00:14:12.639> parents<00:14:12.959> should
again research shows that parents should
again research shows that parents should
spend<00:14:13.600> less<00:14:13.920> time<00:14:14.240> worrying<00:14:14.560> about<00:14:14.720> what<00:14:14.880> they
spend less time worrying about what they
spend less time worrying about what they
do<00:14:15.440> wrong
do wrong
do wrong
and<00:14:16.800> more<00:14:17.120> time<00:14:17.360> focusing<00:14:17.920> on<00:14:18.000> what<00:14:18.240> they<00:14:18.480> do
and more time focusing on what they do
and more time focusing on what they do
right
right
right
worry<00:14:20.079> less<00:14:20.320> about<00:14:20.480> the<00:14:20.560> bad<00:14:20.800> times<00:14:21.199> and<00:14:21.519> build
worry less about the bad times and build
worry less about the bad times and build
up<00:14:22.160> the<00:14:22.320> good<00:14:22.560> times
up the good times
up the good times
this<00:14:23.839> family<00:14:24.160> mission<00:14:24.480> statement<00:14:24.880> is<00:14:25.120> a<00:14:25.279> great
this family mission statement is a great
this family mission statement is a great
way<00:14:25.839> to<00:14:26.079> identify<00:14:26.959> what<00:14:27.120> it<00:14:27.279> is<00:14:27.360> that<00:14:27.519> you<00:14:27.680> do
way to identify what it is that you do
way to identify what it is that you do
right
right
right
a<00:14:29.519> few<00:14:29.680> weeks<00:14:29.920> later<00:14:30.160> we<00:14:30.240> got<00:14:30.399> a<00:14:30.480> call<00:14:30.720> from<00:14:30.959> the
a few weeks later we got a call from the
a few weeks later we got a call from the
school<00:14:31.360> one<00:14:31.519> of<00:14:31.600> our<00:14:31.760> daughters<00:14:32.000> had<00:14:32.160> gotten
school one of our daughters had gotten
school one of our daughters had gotten
into<00:14:32.560> a<00:14:32.639> spat<00:14:33.279> and<00:14:33.440> suddenly<00:14:33.760> we<00:14:33.839> were<00:14:34.000> worried
into a spat and suddenly we were worried
into a spat and suddenly we were worried
like<00:14:34.399> do<00:14:34.560> we<00:14:34.639> have<00:14:34.720> a<00:14:34.800> mean<00:14:35.040> girl<00:14:35.360> on<00:14:35.440> our<00:14:35.519> hands
like do we have a mean girl on our hands
like do we have a mean girl on our hands
and<00:14:36.000> we<00:14:36.160> didn't<00:14:36.320> really<00:14:36.480> know<00:14:36.560> what<00:14:36.720> to<00:14:36.800> do<00:14:36.959> so
and we didn't really know what to do so
and we didn't really know what to do so
we<00:14:37.199> called<00:14:37.440> her<00:14:37.519> into<00:14:37.680> my<00:14:37.920> office<00:14:38.399> the<00:14:38.560> family
we called her into my office the family
we called her into my office the family
mission<00:14:39.120> statement<00:14:39.440> was<00:14:39.600> on<00:14:39.760> the<00:14:39.839> wall<00:14:40.160> and<00:14:40.240> my
mission statement was on the wall and my
mission statement was on the wall and my
wife<00:14:40.639> said
wife said
wife said
so<00:14:41.760> anything<00:14:42.079> up<00:14:42.160> there<00:14:42.320> seemed<00:14:42.480> to<00:14:42.639> apply<00:14:43.279> and
so anything up there seemed to apply and
so anything up there seemed to apply and
she<00:14:43.600> kind<00:14:43.760> of<00:14:43.839> looked<00:14:44.079> down<00:14:44.240> the<00:14:44.320> list<00:14:44.639> and<00:14:44.720> she
she kind of looked down the list and she
she kind of looked down the list and she
said
said
said
bring<00:14:46.480> people<00:14:46.800> together
bring people together
bring people together
suddenly<00:14:48.160> we<00:14:48.240> had<00:14:48.399> a<00:14:48.480> way<00:14:48.720> into<00:14:48.959> the
suddenly we had a way into the
suddenly we had a way into the
conversation
conversation
conversation
another<00:14:51.279> great<00:14:51.440> way<00:14:51.600> to<00:14:51.760> tell<00:14:52.000> your<00:14:52.240> story<00:14:52.720> is
another great way to tell your story is
another great way to tell your story is
to<00:14:53.040> tell<00:14:53.279> your<00:14:53.440> children<00:14:54.160> where<00:14:54.399> they<00:14:54.560> came
to tell your children where they came
to tell your children where they came
from
from
from
researchers<00:14:56.880> at<00:14:57.040> emory<00:14:57.279> gave<00:14:57.519> children<00:14:57.920> a
researchers at emory gave children a
researchers at emory gave children a
simple<00:14:58.560> what<00:14:58.720> do<00:14:58.959> you<00:14:59.120> know<00:14:59.360> test
simple what do you know test
simple what do you know test
do<00:15:00.720> you<00:15:00.800> know<00:15:00.959> where<00:15:01.040> your<00:15:01.199> grandparents<00:15:01.760> were
do you know where your grandparents were
do you know where your grandparents were
born<00:15:02.560> do<00:15:02.720> you<00:15:02.800> know<00:15:03.120> where<00:15:03.279> your<00:15:03.519> parents<00:15:03.920> went
born do you know where your parents went
born do you know where your parents went
to<00:15:04.240> high<00:15:04.399> school<00:15:04.959> do<00:15:05.120> you<00:15:05.199> know<00:15:05.360> anybody<00:15:05.920> in
to high school do you know anybody in
to high school do you know anybody in
your<00:15:06.240> family<00:15:06.880> who<00:15:07.120> had<00:15:07.519> a<00:15:07.920> difficult
your family who had a difficult
your family who had a difficult
situation<00:15:09.120> an<00:15:09.279> illness<00:15:09.680> and<00:15:09.760> they<00:15:09.920> overcame
situation an illness and they overcame
situation an illness and they overcame
it
it
it
the<00:15:11.760> children<00:15:12.160> who<00:15:12.320> scored<00:15:12.639> highest<00:15:13.120> on<00:15:13.199> this
the children who scored highest on this
the children who scored highest on this
do<00:15:13.600> you<00:15:13.760> know<00:15:14.000> scale<00:15:14.639> had<00:15:15.040> the<00:15:15.199> highest
do you know scale had the highest
do you know scale had the highest
self-esteem<00:15:16.399> and<00:15:16.560> a<00:15:16.720> greater<00:15:16.959> sense<00:15:17.199> they
self-esteem and a greater sense they
self-esteem and a greater sense they
could<00:15:17.440> control<00:15:17.920> their<00:15:18.160> lives
could control their lives
could control their lives
the<00:15:19.360> do<00:15:19.600> you<00:15:19.680> know<00:15:19.839> test<00:15:20.160> was<00:15:20.320> the<00:15:20.639> single
the do you know test was the single
the do you know test was the single
biggest<00:15:21.600> predictor<00:15:22.480> of<00:15:22.959> emotional<00:15:23.519> health
biggest predictor of emotional health
biggest predictor of emotional health
and<00:15:24.160> happiness
and happiness
and happiness
as<00:15:25.519> the<00:15:25.600> author<00:15:25.839> of<00:15:25.920> the<00:15:26.079> study<00:15:26.320> told<00:15:26.560> me
as the author of the study told me
as the author of the study told me
children<00:15:27.440> who<00:15:27.600> have<00:15:27.920> a<00:15:28.079> sense<00:15:28.480> of
children who have a sense of
children who have a sense of
they're<00:15:29.519> part<00:15:29.760> of<00:15:29.839> a<00:15:29.920> larger<00:15:30.320> narrative
they're part of a larger narrative
they're part of a larger narrative
have<00:15:31.680> greater<00:15:32.480> self-confidence
have greater self-confidence
have greater self-confidence
so<00:15:34.399> my<00:15:34.560> final<00:15:34.880> plank<00:15:35.199> is<00:15:35.680> tell<00:15:35.920> your<00:15:36.160> story
so my final plank is tell your story
so my final plank is tell your story
spend<00:15:37.360> time<00:15:37.839> retelling<00:15:38.639> the<00:15:38.800> story<00:15:39.199> of<00:15:39.279> your
spend time retelling the story of your
spend time retelling the story of your
family's<00:15:39.920> positive<00:15:40.399> moments<00:15:41.279> and<00:15:41.680> how<00:15:41.920> you
family's positive moments and how you
family's positive moments and how you
overcame<00:15:42.639> the<00:15:42.800> negative<00:15:43.199> ones<00:15:44.000> if<00:15:44.160> you<00:15:44.320> give
overcame the negative ones if you give
overcame the negative ones if you give
children<00:15:44.880> this<00:15:45.040> happy<00:15:45.440> narrative<00:15:46.160> you<00:15:46.320> give
children this happy narrative you give
children this happy narrative you give
them<00:15:46.800> the<00:15:47.040> tools<00:15:47.839> to<00:15:48.000> make<00:15:48.240> themselves
them the tools to make themselves
them the tools to make themselves
happy
i<00:15:52.240> was<00:15:52.399> a<00:15:52.480> teenager<00:15:52.880> when<00:15:53.040> i<00:15:53.120> first<00:15:53.360> read<00:15:53.680> anna
i was a teenager when i first read anna
i was a teenager when i first read anna
karenina<00:15:54.399> in<00:15:54.560> its<00:15:54.880> famous<00:15:55.279> opening<00:15:55.680> sentence
karenina in its famous opening sentence
karenina in its famous opening sentence
all<00:15:56.720> happy<00:15:57.040> families<00:15:57.440> are<00:15:57.519> alike<00:15:58.160> each
all happy families are alike each
all happy families are alike each
unhappy<00:15:58.959> family<00:15:59.680> is<00:15:59.839> unhappy<00:16:00.320> in<00:16:00.399> its<00:16:00.639> own<00:16:00.800> way
unhappy family is unhappy in its own way
unhappy family is unhappy in its own way
when<00:16:02.560> i<00:16:02.639> first<00:16:02.880> read<00:16:03.040> that<00:16:03.199> i<00:16:03.360> thought<00:16:04.000> that
when i first read that i thought that
when i first read that i thought that
sentence<00:16:04.560> is<00:16:04.720> a<00:16:04.800> name<00:16:05.519> of<00:16:05.600> course<00:16:05.920> all<00:16:06.079> happy
sentence is a name of course all happy
sentence is a name of course all happy
families<00:16:06.800> aren't<00:16:07.040> alike
families aren't alike
families aren't alike
but<00:16:09.120> as<00:16:09.279> i<00:16:09.360> began<00:16:09.680> working<00:16:09.920> on<00:16:10.079> this<00:16:10.240> project
but as i began working on this project
but as i began working on this project
i<00:16:11.519> began<00:16:11.839> changing<00:16:12.240> my<00:16:12.399> mind
i began changing my mind
i began changing my mind
recent<00:16:13.920> scholarship<00:16:14.480> has<00:16:14.639> allowed<00:16:14.959> us<00:16:15.199> for
recent scholarship has allowed us for
recent scholarship has allowed us for
the<00:16:15.519> first<00:16:15.839> time<00:16:16.399> to<00:16:16.720> identify<00:16:17.360> the<00:16:17.600> building
the first time to identify the building
the first time to identify the building
blocks<00:16:18.959> that<00:16:19.199> successful<00:16:19.920> families<00:16:20.839> have
blocks that successful families have
blocks that successful families have
i've<00:16:22.000> mentioned<00:16:22.320> just<00:16:22.560> three<00:16:22.800> here<00:16:22.959> today
i've mentioned just three here today
i've mentioned just three here today
adapt<00:16:24.480> all<00:16:24.639> the<00:16:24.720> time
adapt all the time
adapt all the time
empower<00:16:26.079> the<00:16:26.160> children<00:16:27.120> tell<00:16:27.360> your<00:16:27.600> story
empower the children tell your story
empower the children tell your story
is<00:16:29.680> it<00:16:29.839> possible<00:16:30.399> all<00:16:30.560> these<00:16:30.800> years<00:16:31.040> later<00:16:31.279> to
is it possible all these years later to
is it possible all these years later to
say<00:16:31.600> tolstoy<00:16:32.240> was<00:16:32.399> right
say tolstoy was right
say tolstoy was right
the<00:16:34.240> answer<00:16:34.800> i<00:16:34.959> believe<00:16:35.600> is<00:16:35.839> yes
the answer i believe is yes
the answer i believe is yes
when<00:16:37.680> leo<00:16:38.000> tolstoy<00:16:38.560> was<00:16:38.720> five<00:16:38.959> years<00:16:39.199> old<00:16:39.600> his
when leo tolstoy was five years old his
when leo tolstoy was five years old his
brother<00:16:40.079> nikolai<00:16:40.560> came<00:16:40.800> to<00:16:40.959> him<00:16:41.279> and<00:16:41.440> said<00:16:41.600> he
brother nikolai came to him and said he
brother nikolai came to him and said he
had<00:16:42.000> engraved<00:16:42.560> the<00:16:42.720> secret<00:16:43.120> to<00:16:43.360> universal
had engraved the secret to universal
had engraved the secret to universal
happiness<00:16:44.480> on<00:16:44.639> a<00:16:44.720> little<00:16:44.959> green<00:16:45.360> stick
happiness on a little green stick
happiness on a little green stick
which<00:16:46.480> he<00:16:46.639> had<00:16:46.720> hidden<00:16:47.120> in<00:16:47.279> a<00:16:47.360> ravine<00:16:47.920> on<00:16:48.079> the
which he had hidden in a ravine on the
which he had hidden in a ravine on the
family's<00:16:48.639> estate<00:16:49.040> in<00:16:49.199> russia
family's estate in russia
family's estate in russia
if<00:16:50.639> the<00:16:50.720> stick<00:16:51.120> were<00:16:51.440> ever<00:16:51.680> found<00:16:52.240> all
if the stick were ever found all
if the stick were ever found all
humankind<00:16:53.279> would<00:16:53.440> be<00:16:53.680> happy
humankind would be happy
humankind would be happy
tolstoy<00:16:56.000> became<00:16:56.240> consumed<00:16:57.040> with<00:16:57.279> that<00:16:57.519> stick
tolstoy became consumed with that stick
tolstoy became consumed with that stick
but<00:16:58.639> he<00:16:58.800> never<00:16:59.120> found<00:16:59.360> it
but he never found it
but he never found it
in<00:17:00.399> fact<00:17:00.639> he<00:17:00.880> asked<00:17:01.120> to<00:17:01.199> be<00:17:01.360> buried<00:17:01.839> in<00:17:01.920> that
in fact he asked to be buried in that
in fact he asked to be buried in that
ravine<00:17:02.480> where<00:17:02.639> he<00:17:02.800> thought<00:17:03.040> it<00:17:03.120> was<00:17:03.199> hidden
ravine where he thought it was hidden
ravine where he thought it was hidden
he<00:17:04.640> still<00:17:04.880> lies<00:17:05.120> there<00:17:05.280> today<00:17:06.000> covered<00:17:06.319> in<00:17:06.480> a
he still lies there today covered in a
he still lies there today covered in a
layer<00:17:07.039> of<00:17:07.199> green<00:17:07.520> grass
layer of green grass
layer of green grass
that<00:17:09.760> story<00:17:10.160> perfectly<00:17:10.559> captures<00:17:10.959> from<00:17:11.120> me
that story perfectly captures from me
that story perfectly captures from me
the<00:17:11.839> final<00:17:12.160> lesson<00:17:12.480> that<00:17:12.640> i<00:17:12.799> learned
the final lesson that i learned
the final lesson that i learned
happiness<00:17:14.880> is<00:17:14.959> not<00:17:15.120> something<00:17:15.439> we<00:17:15.679> find
happiness is not something we find
happiness is not something we find
it's<00:17:16.880> something<00:17:17.360> we<00:17:17.600> make
it's something we make
it's something we make
almost<00:17:19.760> anybody<00:17:20.160> who's<00:17:20.319> looked<00:17:20.640> at<00:17:20.880> well-run
almost anybody who's looked at well-run
almost anybody who's looked at well-run
organizations<00:17:22.640> has<00:17:22.880> come<00:17:23.039> to<00:17:23.199> pretty<00:17:23.360> much
organizations has come to pretty much
organizations has come to pretty much
the<00:17:23.839> same<00:17:24.160> conclusion
the same conclusion
the same conclusion
greatness<00:17:26.240> is<00:17:26.319> not<00:17:26.480> a<00:17:26.559> matter<00:17:26.799> of
greatness is not a matter of
greatness is not a matter of
circumstance
circumstance
circumstance
it's<00:17:28.720> a<00:17:28.799> matter<00:17:29.120> of<00:17:29.360> choice
it's a matter of choice
it's a matter of choice
you<00:17:31.039> don't<00:17:31.200> need<00:17:31.360> some<00:17:31.600> grand<00:17:32.000> plan<00:17:32.720> you<00:17:32.880> don't
you don't need some grand plan you don't
you don't need some grand plan you don't
need<00:17:33.200> a<00:17:33.280> waterfall
need a waterfall
need a waterfall
you<00:17:34.559> just<00:17:34.720> need<00:17:34.880> to<00:17:35.039> take<00:17:35.200> small<00:17:35.600> steps
you just need to take small steps
you just need to take small steps
accumulate<00:17:37.120> small<00:17:37.520> wins
accumulate small wins
accumulate small wins
keep<00:17:38.960> reaching<00:17:39.440> for<00:17:39.600> that<00:17:39.840> green<00:17:40.240> stick
keep reaching for that green stick
keep reaching for that green stick
in<00:17:41.760> the<00:17:41.919> end<00:17:42.320> this<00:17:42.559> may<00:17:42.720> be<00:17:42.880> the<00:17:42.960> greatest
in the end this may be the greatest
in the end this may be the greatest
lesson<00:17:43.600> of<00:17:43.760> all
lesson of all
lesson of all
what's<00:17:45.280> the<00:17:45.360> secret<00:17:45.600> to<00:17:45.760> a<00:17:45.919> happy<00:17:46.240> family
what's the secret to a happy family
what's the secret to a happy family
try
try
try
[Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause]
[Music]
Bruce Feiler, agile programming, kids, family, punishment, stress, family life, bruce feiler, ted, ted-ed, ted ed, tededucation
